Sometimes...

Responses to posts can make your day...even responses to posts that you have deleted. And strange when some think you are courageous when you feel your weakest and vulnerable. I have happened on some wonderfully kind acqaintances via this medium. My day started out bad again but all of a sudden nice words and sun shining through the fog makes my office glow up and shine and makes me feel smiley.

I DO like all of you... and you are all appreciated even if I don't say it to your faces or hug you ;).

(...see? i am a dork)

Oh yes Oh yeah! I'm excited because tomorrow night I am going to do the Portland Shanghai Underground Tour and I love things like that. Seattle's was fun, but it wasn't as dark as this. Seattle's underground was built with a purpose... the city kept sinking. but Portland's was used for malpurpose, so it should be fun. I shall tell how it is next posting. Have a good weekend.

It's funny how it all works out

Not so much all the time, but almost. How a bad series of events leads to something better. How a foul mood can lead to much sleep and you wake the next day feeling refreshed and alive. When you are feeling like you are looking horrible, so you take a little time to pamper yourself and you feel a ton better with just the extra few minutes you've given yourself.

I'm not one for pampering myself. In fact... I feel selfish if I have spent more than five minutes trying to make myself look better. I don't do manicures, pedicures, spa days, massages, my only treat to myself is shopping and sometimes that turns out to be torture (as I have let myself go a little these last few months). But the extra time I took standing in the shower, taking time getting dressed and ready for work this morning, eating breakfast and fixing my hair and make-up was just what I needed. At least from the length of my hair up---I feel very pretty today.

And I have already gotten much done at work. So, I guess in the long run many things are working out now that I've made some choice decisions. The day started out well, I hope all of yours are good also.

And one more thing... it's funny how old(and new) friends know exactly what to say to make giant smiles appear on tired faces. I thank both Kellers for kind and happy words.

I'm feeling like a wreck.

Like I have missed a bunch of stuff and fallen down on the job. I guess that is what happens when you come to the other side of a decision only to find that you should have made the decision long ago before it got this bad. I'd like to think I'm not wholly responsible for things not getting done here at work, I have pretty much worked independently since April. No manager, nobody to tell me what needed to get done, but some of the obvious things got missed also and being the person that I am... I feel guilty and incompetent. I wish I knew if there was a career or job out there that I would love to go to, everyday. Wake up in the morning and be excited to do that job. To get satisfaction from the things I've done throughout the day. But I've gotten to the place where I've worked so long at jobs that wear me down that it just doesn't seem conceivable now.

Ok, it is a gorgeous day and I know things are going to get better. I'm already happier and more active as the old cliche has gone "a weight has been lifted", but I've still got so much to do and as of yet not much time to do it.

Have a good day for me, will you?

I'm a big slacker

Gonna leave work soon. It's only 9am but the day is wasting and I have lots to do and working just doesn't seem to be on my agenda. To do: get hairs trimmed, shop a little, pick up lunch for my friend at work, go to clackamas county animal shelter and look at a dog (great dane-I want her-I love her-my dog needs a pet!). And go home fix myself up and go out to a party at the BR. It's such a beautiful day for all these errands *I'm excited*. OK, see ya.

Excited but feeling huge!

It's one of those things where I woke on time, I had a rockstar and dark fudge cake for breakfast, and am in a hugely pleasant mood and because of my lack of resistance can not complain that I feel huge. Who wouldn't? It nears the guestroom remodel and chocolate cake and caffiene sound like a perfectly splendid meal. I am having one of those great poofy hair days too! So, I'm excited to interview for a job today and then have the rest of the weekend off... well maybe. I should come in tomorrow but what's the point when it is at least an hour drive and I'd only have to be here for 3 hrs, stupid eh?

Yep, so the BR got some new tunes and I had a good time trying a couple: who new I could pull off Yaz, Kate Bush and PJ Harvey. I didn't, but didn't really care--- so it was fun. There are a few other new songs that look interesting to me, we'll have to see about those ones tomorrow night. Another dress up party at the BR... and I don't know how I'm gonna pull off cute, I'm quite sure I'm bloated to critical mass which makes me feel like all my skirts and dresses are either too tight or too short for chubby knees. At least I can look forward to when I'm not working here and sitting for 12 hrs a day. I think I might help my cousin with his landscaping business for a while just to be active and outdoors for a while and be away from dark chocolate, fudge cake and (caffeine) rockstar and Dr. Pepper.

ok lalas, have a delightful sunny day!

all I gotta say is...

ANXIETY!!!!!!

17 more work days...

My boss decided that she would only need me for a month so she set my final day as march 11th. Which freaks me out a little but i'm happy at the same time. I'm sure something will come up. It is exciting to me. Now I get to become the little drone looking for a job, oh boy!

Well, it is a beautiful day and time is a wasting. Have a good one.

Well... one more thing happened.

Feb. 14th, 2005 @ 03:40 pm

So, I quit. I gave the new manager and my boss my letter of resignation and told them that I would stay for up to two months while they hired my replacement so that I could train the new office assistant. My last day may be a march 11th or april 15th. How fun is that?

Now we must all cross our fingers, or pray to whomever you pray to, that I find a new fun job so that Dan and I don't have to sell house and home and whatever else to make ends meet. Yup! I'm a quitter and it was for a good reason.

So, hooray! I guess I have a vacation coming.

Happy V.D.

Yes, it's monday and valentine's day. I'm at work, as others asked for the day off, so my boss made me come in to cover for them (on my scheduled day off!!!). I'm feeling rather irritated by it now because it is MONDAY and i would rather just skip mondays all together. The weather is heavy and cold and my tolerance for my idiot new manager is waning everyday. So this is how I am spending my valentine's day.

( on this page I want very much to rant and rave and scream and yell and whine about why I need to quit my job and why I hate my new manager and justify and rationalize that a few months off would be just the thing for me, but it is supposed to be a lovey-dreamy day and I can't bring myself to torture you with my ungrateful, bad attitude, moaning and complaining... Oh! maybe I just did. But I can't help but think that if something doesn't happen soon I might do something drastic. Like quit before I find a new job.)

I have already consumed much chocolate and box of nerds. It shall all be over soon, only 7 more hours of work.

Hope you are all treated deservedly well by those that love you today. Think romantic thoughts!

Never let your husband dress you.

Umm...pick out your clothes.
I never made it home before I needed to go get my cousins and stay with them last night. Dan brought me some work clothes. Which would have been fine because he was supposedly writing down what I was asking for, but apparently he wasn't all that awake. So, when he got to my cousin's house and handed me my stuff I tried to be very gracious and thank him and not freak out, well, he brought me the pants I asked for but the not the shirt, and he brought my contact solution but not my contact case or glasses.

Well, I asked him to bring that stuff with him when he went to work and I would just go pick it up. Now, I am at work wearing black and dark grey plaid-ish slacks that have a dark(royal) blue stripe in them and a turquoise/almost sky blue sweater. Feeling a little insecure about it but at the same time find it a little endearing. Cute that he couldn't tell that these two things don't go together at all.

So, I'm getting lots accomplished, my desk is almost caught up, my office is almost organized and I feel and look a little silly. It's a good day.

Hope yours is as good as mine.

nightmares

I awoke from watching somebody get sliced and diced by some strange machine. The dream was very sci-fi in nature and vivid. Nothing surprized me though in my dream. I'm always like "OK... that was wierd" and keep on going with whatever I'm running from or fighting off. There was a cat and on the end of it's tail was a small cat head that talked to me, that I find disturbing now but in my dream it wasn't strange at all. So, I've been up since a little after 4a.m. and I'm really tired. I came to work very early to find that the meeting that I was going to go to, is a little more than I can handle today so I will put it off until I have to do it on the 24th.

Let's just say... Meyers & Briggs and another personality test, to group me in with a bunch of nurses and make me do ice breakers, and team building with, and go over what I can do to help them out... just won't fly today. So, I'll sit here at my desk and troll along with my little menial tasks, and my lowly duties. I thought I could start out my week with a good attitude but funny how a little e-mail can change that.

Have a grand Tuesday.

Not well and a serious case of witchyness!

Short fuses and idiot co-workers do not make for a good work week. So, very much like the "mindpurge"(T), I have stayed home all week and plan to stay home tonight. All I can get myself to do this week is go to work, come home and eat and go to bed. I have attained the grand title of Sloth of the week. And although I've been on antibiotics for 3 days and a bunch of other crap meds, I still have a sore throat and crackling, sore ears and I've graduated to having a nasty chunky cough. I thought meds were supposed to make you better?

That is a run-down of my week. It sounds like complaining but it is just an observation of the week. Hope to get out of the house sometime this weekend. I miss seeing people. Ok have a great friday!

so we(the BR kids) are all a bunch of sickies.

Yes, I myself had not been to work since last wednesday. I came in yesterday to last only for 3 hours. Went home to sleep for 6hrs and woke up feeling worse than ever. Went to the Dr. to find out I have a mild respiratory infection and double ear infections. So, I am starting to believe that the BR gives us diseases and the microphone should be disinfected on a routine basis, like between every song). Although, my infections were not catchy. But I'm back at work, dosed up on antibiotics and sudafed. And like a zombie finding the day trudging along deathly slow. But I am a little more productive than I thought I'd be. But this pain in my ears and neck/throat, and crackling ear thing is driving me berzerk!

We all should be better soon. Take care of yourselves and relax a little.

pretty day.

I had a birthday.

It went by. Friends, family and husband were very good to me and yet the day was filled with tears, some happy some sad. And my birthday seemed to last a week and a half. As 28 should not. It is 0345 and I need to get up in 2 hrs for work but I'm here typing away after an evening with an old friend. I'm older, should know better, but after more drinks than this girl should have, find myself silently introspectively analyzing where I am at and still wondering where I want to be... as all that I thought I had planned doesn't seem to be going that way or in the time-line that I expected. Still reflecting on nostalgic memories and wondering where I will end up. I have yet to let go of what I thought would be my future, and started living what is now. I know deep yet so less enchanting than it should be. More than 2 drinks makes me less cute, makes me more talky, makes me verbalize crap that is fleeting through my mind. and I need to spill out onto a virtual page, empty myself as I already feel drained. Ok! enough! good night. This next day shall come too soon!