Friday

I called in sick yesterday at one in the morning because I couldn't fall asleep, I didn't fall asleep until 4a.m. and slept until 1 in the afternoon yesterday. Last night I finally fell asleep around 1a.m. but woke a gazillion times which we all know means five times and it tood me forever to get comfortable and fall back asleep. And today I'm swamped, and feel crappy. My body is rebelling against me for no forseen reason, it just hates my mind I think! And I am trying to get all this crap done before the new lady gets here on Tuesday. GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRr. So, we will see how much really happens... I may want to be a sloth all weekend, and pretend I don't exist. That never works but I can try.

Ok, have a great weekend.

More things to be afraid of...

I had an interview yesterday. They hired me on the spot. So, here's that little leap into the unknown, "will they like me", "will I be able to do all the work?", "Am I really qualified? or did I just do a good job selling myself?". Yes, the real fear will hit on my first day, may 9th. When I step in that door and humility knocks my head off.

But it is a "Temporary job" with the option to be permanent in 3 months. I will be making the same as I do at my other job, I will have a fancier title (but in the wash it still ends up a secretary), and it is in Sunnyside just off I-205-so my drive will only be 20mins or so. And if they like me and I them in three months, they hire me and I get a pretty good raise and benefit package. But the best thing about this job... I get to wear whatever I want. Yes, you are reading it correctly "WHATEVER" i want, jeans, t-shirts, neon-zebra-striped-spandex catsuit, you name it. No dress code...HOORAY!!!!!!! Bank hours and holidays. Hours will most likely be 730-430, which so doesn't suck. Yes, and even more... it is in the same building that Dan will be going to school in at night. So, we will see eachother for dinner before his class. I might call this "divine" coincidence. But it works out quite well for me. So, I will most likely be out playing this week.

You all have a nice Tuesday!

Thursday afternoon-oon.

It's weird and hazy outside and that is exactly how I have felt these last couple of days. Hazy and blurry and sleepy. Not tired, just sleepy. Like I want to curl up with a fleece blanket in front of a fire and just sleep for an indefinite amount of time. Possibly this is due to my inconsistent sleeping patterns at night. Weird dreams lately, and waking up every 20 or 45 minutes, just being all together uncomfortable and having that run into my awake time also. Oh well, what can you do?

Last night was nice, good to see everybody and listen to everybody. I am so entertained by our little group of friends, so much talent in such a small group of people. Amazing!

Ok, I don't have much to say. Thank you T&M for dinner last night. I shall see you all this weekend sometime.

I want to write...

But I don't feel very prolithic at the moment. I am embarressed about how much money I've just thrown away this last couple of weeks. Call it shopping therapy, call it uninhibited, I call it plain old bad decision making. I've had a great weekend, Dr's appts are over, shopped a ton, M's birthday was so much fun, and I felt cute all weekend. And that is a feat in itself. Plus, there have been lots of tears shed this weekend, both Dan and I had our moments--- i think he gets all sappy when I actually decide to let my flood gates break and admit that I feel helpless, weak, out of control, and that I truly am struggling with all these external forces. I don't want to be a major sap, but it is a beautiful thing to see my husband let a few tears go, lovely to see how our relationship changes and grows, it's amazing to me to have a friend so close (while looking at a messy, sobbing, running nose girl) tell me I'm cute and share tears with me. I'm so grateful! It makes all the muscles in my chest stress as my heart thuds wildly at the thought of him sometimes. I am so lucky/blessed/whatever you want to call it.


Now, to be a responsible girl and do bills, clean house and make brunch for the two of us. Thank you for letting me ramble on these pages in space and caring enough to read any of it. Have a good monday.

1st Dr's appt down!

Well, as expected, I cried through the whole appointment starting with the stepping on the scale and seeing how much I have gained since my last appointment. Yes, I am such a girl! And like I also expected, I have a bunch of fun tests to do regarding this whole reproductive crap. And will be doing only what we can manage to word in a way so that it doesn't sound like fertility treatment as neither of our health insurances cover that. But I have a few options, aside from her diet and exercise option, her acupuncture/getting my chi in line option, and going to a fertility specialist option which wouldn't be covered and would be expensive. Oh girlie matters!

And then tomorrow at least, I'll only be working a half day so that I make that appointment on time and there is no way I'm coming in after I leave this place! And that one should be more cut and dry. With either a simple yes we can do surgery, no we won't have to or no there isn't anything we can do for that.
But I'm so excited to have non-crackling ears... that would be so wonderful!

OK, that was my update. Talk to yous later!

I don't feel like it!

I woke numerous times last night and upon the 20th time this morning, decided I don't want to do anything today! I didn't want to come to work (but I did!), I don't feel like eating (so I haven't yet), I didn't want to stop to get gas (so I didn't!), I don't want to do all this crap on my desk (so I'm stalling!), I don't want to do anything after work but go home and potato on the couch (so I most likely won't come out tonight, sorry BR kids;)). I am just in one of those moods, I'll save the going out for friday.

Otherwise, still breathing/dreaming/living/loving/laughing/crying/being me. See ya later.

messy! and anxiety ridden.

Yep! It's a messy taryn day. Pants that are too big, shirt that hugs too much, sloppy pony tail with hair wisping down all around my tired face. Been up since 5am and at work since 630am and running like a chicken with it's head cut off til now. Love to help and be needed, but only needed because some people are complete morons when they get around electronics. The supervisor comes dashing up to my office "I need your help!" (Of course I have to go running to another building across the campus to fix the problem *shakes head*) I get down there to find the data projector showing blue screen with no RGB feed. And so I check the lines, and then the laptop it's attached to... turn to the supervisor: "Mary, it helps if you turn the laptop on" I say.

Yes, this is why I'm so desperately needed here. Lots of this kind of stuff. I came in yesterday morning because my boss told me on friday that no one would be here to do the 9am report, which only 3 of us have access to. I got here yesterday and both of the others were here but neither one had done the report. I was fuming!!!!! I drove in from Estacada for an hour's worth of work when I didn't need to! So I stayed for a few more hours and got some other stuff done. And today I'm helping out again. I must have stupid written all over my face.

The anxiety part comes from the doctor's appointment I'm supposed to have on friday. I get to find out if I need surgery on my ears. Since 1998 I have had major earaches, crackling, pressure, fluid behind the ear drum issues, and it makes it so I can't hear my own voice inside my head [which I like to blame some of my pitch problems on ;)]. I most likely can't hear %100 or like normal, so I'm excited to get that fixed, but not excited if it means surgery on both ears, clearing our scar tissue from my eustation tubes. That won't be fun nor would tubes in my ears, but if it helps with the crackling and hearing thing then I guess I suffer to reap the benefits. But my heart thuds just thinking about it. Yikes! And thursday I have a Dr. appt to figure out why we aren't getting pregnant, Oh boy!. These just are not fun appointments, I will be a blubbering idiot by thursday night. So, forgive me if I'm a little less social when I go out this week. I hate to admit that I have weaknesses but these two things freak me out.

Ok, you all have a nice day.

weeee... It's Friday

Apparently I'm irreplaceable. That is a good feeling. We've interviewed 10 people for my job and none of them were options, one was but she didn't take the job (too much stress, not enough money!)

Well, it will be a girls night out with my friend "Messy". We will be dining at the Montage and stalking people, and shopping and then probably hit the BR. It's been a while since we've played, so it should be fun. I'm trying hard to recover from the migraine I woke with, but being here at work until 7pm gives me plenty of time to recover. Ok, I'm sure I will see some of you this weekend. Have a good one.!

"Tomorrow's coming round a hairpin curve in the road..."

It was Poe in the CD player on the way to work, with the line "you look like sh--! what's your problem bi---?" resonating in my head. Kind of woke gloomy and rainy and gray. Couldn't try to look cute, which might have helped but when the husband called and told me he wasn't coming home directly to see me before I left for work, I just lost all motivation for cuteness.
So, a little effort made with black and white striped shirt and bright pink pants... *kinda cute* but that was it. Then a few minutes ago, my husband shows up here at my work with flowers;) bright yellow and orange gerbera daisy's and a sappy card. Hooray for him! Exactly what I needed. How wonderful!

Ok la-las have a nice afternoon!

Gosh, i can be so crushy!

I don't know why, but reading BS LJ entry on the description of kissing (grrrrrrrrrrr). There has to be sparks and things and then it is all lovely!

At least, it makes me feel warm and fuzzy. Even kisses on heads, cheeks, foreheads shows a love. A type of love and respect that you just don't give to those undeserving of it... well, at least in this culture.

And by-the-by, I have Clarissa's two kitties and I love them. So pretty and cuddly, but still a little freaked out. Lucy has found that she can crawl up into the underside of the mattress in the guest bed and hide out for hours. This scared me at first because I couldn't find her and thought she was lost in the giant space that is my house until looking under the bed I noticed a large sag in the material. But Beatrice has already become used to the place and both Dan and I. Slowly but surely. As soon as I feel that they are both used to their new home, then I will introduce them to the other two cats and dog. Then they can roam the whole house. I could so become the old woman with gobs of kitties. I love them.

What! I'm feeling weird today. I had a nasty headache all day yesterday and slept like the dead all night. And now I'm just feeling strange. I don't plan on looking at this computer screen all day. IT is a physical labor day. So, moving boxes, rearranging furniture, cleaning out this office will be the tasks for the day! Hooray!

Well, I'm hoping to hear good news and reason to go out tonight. *Fingers crossed, toes crossed, little good luck wishes*

Buh bye happy friday
Current Mood: buzzzzy
Current Music: Fiona Apple: Love ridden