Quivering Electric Heart

It's meeeeeee! I was the turkey all along!

2007-07-06T15:15:00.000-07:00

So, if my car should be wrecked again it would be due to the downloading of all seasons of Invader Zim and the Huz and I watching it on the Ipod whilst driving. We both die laughing and our sonster(who is now 17 and a senoir) just does not find it as captivating as we do.

We have fallen off the earth and out of the solar system for a while. After the sonster wrecked the ol' subaru we purchased ourselves a little 2007 Dodge Caliber - I lerv it!!!! Get's on average about 29-31mpg and scoots when you need it to. I have had it since 4/28 and already have put almost 6000 miles on it. Unfortunately, that is just going back and forth from work to home to pdx and home on most usual days. But otherwise living it up and still doing the whole work/play thing. No change in family status but the fertility stuff is being looked at now. The huz and I have decided if it isn't an easy fix we will let it alone. I'm not wanting babies so bad as to surgerize myself or do IVF, I really only want 2 at the most and IVF is toooooo expensive to only do 2. But these are my 30's and it is nice to have the freedoms that we have which is in balance to the amount of work we do weekly.

That's the summary of life since january, although it may have been since Aug that I posted anything here. Hope all is well!

New season, new job.

2006-11-02T09:12:00.000-08:00

I panicked, thought my current job was in imminent danger due to downsizing, updated my resume, sent it in to Sunnyside Kaiser, got an interview 2 hrs later, interviewed friday and was offered the job that evening. Same commute it is just across the street from my current job, a position that is a step up from my current role, and a couple more $ an hour. Can't complain about that, can I? But the whole thing happened so fast, that I'm not very excited yet about the change.

I am in fact very excited about the weather change.

It seems a lot of things in my life are changing without me really having much control over it, and that freaks me out a bit. I have become the worship leader at my church... meaning I'm responsible for the oversight of all the music, I choose all the songs for each service, I lead the band (umm...I don't play any instruments) and I also am in charge of putting on the children's christmas program. Which I have to brag; the kids are doing amazing we have learned 12 songs all with choreography and this will be an adorable program. Plus, I've stepped in as a sunday school teacher for the 4th/5th grade class. Pretty crazy.

And we still have our 16 yr old foster son, who is doing great and is a lot of fun. Plus another month and all of his Equestrian team stuff will start back up and this year he is doing all western (rodeo type) stuff, with a beautiful and super fast horse.

I did not see myself here a year ago, but it is going good. And that's the update in a nutshell. Have a wonderful, wet, blustery day! I LOVE FALL! I am in the mood to just write and be wistful but I have to work... will write later.

Driving in the Gloaming

2006-09-27T11:18:00.001-07:00

Well, I thought that the gloaming was that time of day or time when the sun makes everything seem cast in shades of orange and give everything a ethereal glow. The green of the trees seems tenfold more brilliant and the fog is layered in copper streams. But when looked up in wikipedia it says twilight, before sunrise or after sunset which doesn't really capture that lovely image that I was able to be part of this morning.

Living out as far as I do, I truly have a beautiful drive to work. And during autumn it just gets prettier everyday, fog laying on a lilypad clad pond with a lone Heron standing amid the flowers. Copper rays shooting through changing colors of trees as leaves whirl down from the canopies above. Wow, I'm sure I woke up in a horrible mood but how can you stay bitter when you get to see so many wonderful changes in the morning.

But the badness is still is trying to invade my day. So, with that I will let you go and close with the fact that I love fall and can't wait for it to get prettier and prettier! Hooray for sweaters, tights and boots. And wind, and rain, and leaves blowing all around!

Driving in the Gloaming

2006-09-27T11:18:00.000-07:00

Calm

2006-09-12T12:32:00.000-07:00

Things have quieted down in our house. Tim moved out last tuesday, I took over his old room and started filling it with girl stuff again. Then Dan and Jacob went to help with Cycle Oregon and I had 5 days all to myself, which cost me dearly. It was wonderful!

I went out to lunch with girlfriends everyday, I went to the beach with my mom and cousin, I went out friday night with my bestfriend and I painted my bedroom this lovely leaf green color. I purchased storage containers, and organized everything and cleaned my house. Played with my dogs and cats and watched "What not to wear" marathons (which Dan dislikes immensely but I love). Let me say again, "It was wonderful"!

Now this week I am back to work, went out to Sushi land with the Huz last night, he loved the idea and the Sushi but I can't say i'm head over heels for their sushi, it's just OK for me. Now sitting at work... up to my nose in piles of work and having no idea where to start. Meh!

At least I have a job and the piles give me some sense of job security, being the only one here who can do this work and much more.

Okay! You all have a great day!

Weirdness in my house...

2006-08-29T13:56:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I was awaken feeling nasty and found out that our foster child, (the one who is wanting to move out) was Large and in color on the front page of the Oregonian. He had been interviewed with his sister for an article about his sister successfully breaking the statistics of foster care. Unfortunately the pic and caption was all that was written about Tim. He was expecting more and with all the craziness that is happening with him I know it was crushing to find out that they didn't print anything that they had talked to him about.

Plus, apparently my Huz had an angry outburst on friday and now there is a large awkward gap between the two of them which makes my house an uncomfortable place to be. What can you do? I just can't wait for this to all clear up, I don't think that Dan and I will feel good about it but it will get better.

Well, if you pray... keep Tim and our family in your prayers. This is something just way beyond us and I am feeling quite like a tiny insignificant human right now.

Have a beautiful rainy day.

It's a sad day...

2006-08-23T15:47:00.000-07:00

We were blind sided today with news that our first foster child wants to find another home because he can't seem to get along with our second foster child. Before we even knew anything was going on between them, he had made up his mind, talked to his caseworker and already got the wheels in motion. We weren't even given a chance to work on it, dan and I were completely in the dark and now have no say whatsoever.

Would it be better another way? who knows. I feel like i've lost my first child. I'm hurt, sad, angry and at the same time have to do everything I can to make that child feel supported, loved and have a smooth transition. As well as still supporting and continueing the care of the second child seemlessly.

What a weird ride we've been on. And as all things happen for a reason, I'm sure this will work out in the wash and be better for both boys, but geez... how could I have prepared for this? It's a tough thing trying to raise other peoples teenagers.

Part of me wants to fight and shout: "I didn't get to choose my siblings or my parents!" How come we are letting this 16 yr old? How does this teach him how to deal with relationships? This will not be to his betterment in marraige and his own family. He won't be able to just leave and pick new ones. And then the other parts of me are sad and excited for what the next few months will bring for the other child who has not had the opportunity to shine in his own safe environment.

Why do I have to be an emotional, silly girl? OK I have vented. Thanks for letting me share.

Bar-backing at my fave bar

2006-08-11T12:57:00.000-07:00

So one of these days I'm gonna take the time to format my myspace page. Change and upload new and better pics. But for now I spend my free time sleeping and can't seem to get a minute on the compy at home with the two boys glued to their email/instant msging/myspace and more and the Huz doing homework. But that is fine.

I've been picking up hours at my friend's bar as a substitute bar-back. It's fun and mindless, busy and exhausting but again... still fun. It also is helping to fund my shopping wants. Which have been put on hold since we got the boys. So, every two or three weeks I pick up a shift and have a little $ to blow. Hooray for friends who have their own businesses!

So, If you are out and about tonight and happen by the Boiler Room, stop and wave hello cause I'm not stopping to talk but it would still be nice to see you.

Have a great weekend!

Lova Brotha Bougan-villia my vine twists around your name

2006-08-01T12:42:00.000-07:00

The day starts off slowly, painfully and creeps along minute by minute.

And the ipod allows a little venting as we sing along with Blind Melon; Sleepyhouse could not be more fitting nor allow the emotion in me to come belting out.

(Thank heavens it came on while I was driving I dont think my boss would appreciate me belting it out at my desk)

And then skip Christina Aguilera, skip Dave, definitely pass on Madonna today. Sing, sing, sing along with Tori, Poe, Linda Perry and Led Zepplin and then we skip again.

Funny how Joy Drop, The Darkness, Letters to Cleo, Modest Mouse, Belly and Mazzy Star all fit so perfectly together (at least the songs that playes just now) and the day keeps passing like the clouds rolling in and the work by my desk.

It all works nicely together today. When a dull tired day just moves on and I roll through it and to the next. Yep that is today plugging along It will have to do.

Have a nice day.

What's this?

2006-07-28T14:54:00.000-07:00

Yep. I did it! My hair was down past my waist so there was enough to cut it off to give to locks of love without making it too short. I know this is a lovely picture of me gray shirt, white walls and no makeup but you can see my hair.

Yep, maybe now my neck won't hurt. I took a foot of hair off, the Huz is a little sad but it grows back. I'm just not too worried about it especially since I like it.
Kudos to Clairissa at Barbarama I think it hurt her more to cut it than me. And she gave me this cute layered stacky thing in the back that makes it flip out all over the place. I love it.

Ok, 'nuff of the hair talk. Have a great weekend.

grey clouds?

2006-07-26T09:01:00.000-07:00

What's this a little reprieve from our 90+ weather, blue skies and dry winds? Much appreciated I must say. So, I'm hooked on Rockstar Supernova; It's good to see Storm doing so well but would she fit in a band with Tommy Lee... Oh yeah she would. Good for her, she rocks and she has had great song choices. I'm impressed as I always was when she performed at Dante's. Still makes me wonder how I ended up with this little girl soprano voice. I want to have that smoky rich sound and the ability to wail. I'll do as much as I can and just keep plugging on.

So, kids and Huz are good. Taryn has been a little broken lately. Completely outta whack back and neck, with migraines and lacking the flexibility it takes to ummm--- raise and/or turn my head and lift my arms. I've awaken the last couple of mornings with searing pain and needing my husband to help me out of bed and push my shoulders down away from my ears and help me move my arms. If I had some injury or accident I'd think that I broke my spine somewhere, but for the last 7 years i have been aware of my cervical vertebrae having spiral staircase tendancies. But usually more near the top C4 to C1. Today C7 is sticking straight out of my back almost between the top of my shoulder blades. Grossssssss!!!! and ow.

Oh well. At least my husband can put up with my sobbing and moaning and stroke like babbling and can make me laugh at myself even through tears. It's funny to be messed up and even more funny that I can still function at work and home. It's life eh? Ok enough of this run-on description of broken me. Just cross your fingers that it goes away soon and never comes back!

Have a beautiful day. I hope you all are well.

State of emergency...

2006-07-18T11:25:00.000-07:00

Unfortunately, there has been much with kids, much with $ mishaps, much with health and emotional rollercoasters in the last couple weeks to really want to share anything without an earfull and tears. So, I let go... forgive myself and others and move on. I liked this celtic horoscope so i insert for the day. it fits.

See ya'll later.

You Are A Cypress Tree

You are strong, adaptable, and striving to be content.
You're good at taking what life has to give - even if you don't like it.
A passionate lover who can't be satisfied, you are quick tempered at times.
You hate loneliness, want love and affection, and need to be needed.
A bit of a live wire, you love to gain knowledge any cost... and you can be careless at times.

What's Your Celtic Horoscope?

What is a "meme"?

2006-06-26T16:47:00.000-07:00

So I copied the Dammit Monstee and asked the ipod.

"What do you think of me, itunes?"
#1 Crush - Garbage

"Will i have a happy life?"
Dancing Queen- ABBA

"What do my friends really think of me?"
You make me Tick – Yeah Yeah Yeahs

"Do people secretly lust after me?"
We only have One Chance - Modest Mouse

"How can i make myself happy?"
Ziggy Stardust- David Bowie

"What should i do with my life?"
Ready for the Good times - Shakira

"Why must life be so full of pain?"
I don’t know – Blind Melon

"How can i maximize my pleasure during sex?"
Roll on- Sneaker Pimps

"Will i ever have children?"
Money bought - Nickleback

"Will i die happy?"
Everbody’s Fool - Evanescence

"Can you give me some advice?"
Love is only a Feeling – The Darkness

"What do you think happiness is?"
If you were here - Poe

"What's my favorite fetish?"
falling in love – Lisa Loeb

Boy, I got a kick out of that. Pretty darn cute what the ol' ipod came up with. But do explain to me more what the heck a meme is. I am just now joining the 21st century and as much as I am chained to my computer for work rarely dive in for fun. I need edumacated! k-buhbye-c-u-l8r

Will it ever get old?

2006-06-22T09:59:00.000-07:00

Set the pod to shuffle: Click! Abandoned Pools-Tragically Hip-Lisa Loeb-Depeche Mode-Grace Slick-Sneaker Pimps-Blind Melon-Cranberries-Little River Band- Candlebox- Audio Slave- Madonna - Pearl Jam - Enigma - Wow how work is flying by.

Funny thing, my boys are not thrilled that I got it and not one for them... but I told them it would be a waste putting country music on such a thing of beauty. The best part of having teenage boys is when I get into my car and plug in the pod to the car (stock stereo and speakers) and listen to Dave Matthews and think nothing about it but when Tesko Suicide by Sneaker Pimps comes on find out that they have messed with all the levels in my car. The bass was turned up so shockingly much it about made me wet myself. They are so much fun! Everyday is an experience that I'd never even imagine and a roller coaster of emotions: happy-angry-disappointed-adoring-ecstatic-proud-hurt-weird.

I'm so glad I have Dan to level me out, because I am so much a GIRL in the worst case of the word. Emotional, turbulent, fly-off the handle and he can settle me with a look and bring me to a comfortable perspective. I'm so lucky to have a friend and husband in this guy.

So for his first father's day, the boys and I got him a hour long massage at HairM. He is so deserving of it and excited, and that will mean a day spent doing whatever he wants--- a couple beers at rockbottom, a couple at HairM- a movie by himself in the afternoon- What a great day (i'm jealous).

Ok Ms Babble-alot will stop. Have a wonderful day!

I'm in IPOD bliss!!!

2006-06-16T11:46:00.000-07:00

Well a few weeks back my work was having a little divisional logo contest and so being the one who is charge of the events at our site including all bulletin board activities I headed up the contest. There was a catch phrase that was voted on and then each employee was encouraged to submit logos that went with the catch phrase. Well there weren't any entries at my site for a while so not wanting my board to be blank I just threw a bunch of clipart and stuff together and posted it. Well while I was away the management voted and one of mine was submitted from our site to division and then out of the whole Pacific division mine won. Hooray for being a clipart queen and so what I won was a catered lunch for everyone in our site (105 people) and an ipod shuffle. Well after taking a long look at the shuffle, I decided that I would exchange it for a 30mg IPOD and pay the difference. So I hooked it up to my computer and not realizing how many CDs and other things I have in there I end up with a great playlist today. Sneaker pimps, Abandoned Pools, Grace Slick, Beatles, Linda Perry, The Killers, Queen, Abba , Evanescence and on and on. I am in heaven and it has been such a nasty crazy week at work. I'm loving my friday!

Will post more silly 16yr old kid drama later... What was I thinking jumping into teenager parenting! I hope we all survive!

Woo hoo both boys passed!

2006-06-09T15:56:00.000-07:00

I now am the proud parent of Juniors in highschool. Both passed their classes one with flying colors the other just eecked by. But proud none the less, since they both have had such a terrible disrupted crazy year. By the end both boy's grades had improved dramatically. Now they get to start their summer jobs on Tuesday working full-time (that's sooooo cool!) and we get to get Jacob set up with his drivers permit, driver's ed and license by the end of summer. We will be picking up the boys truck this weekend, we found a little Chevy S10 for $500 that will get them from point A to point B. They have already made enough money to put a stereo in it...you know the important things.

So, for completing this year we are going out tonight. Hit the Fun Festival and voodoo donuts and just have a little fun. Then tomorrow my In-laws get into town and we will hit Cannon Beach for the weekend. I'm so happy to be staying at Schooner's Cove, everything in walking distance. It will be my mini summer break. Woo hoo!

Ok, guess that's it for now. Just wanted to share my happiness that both boys succeeded. Yay!

Yeah for going out alone (outside my comfort zone)!

2006-06-08T10:47:00.000-07:00

So I went out last night with the intention of meeting my husband downtown and being an anti-social wallflower, but I was delighted to hang out with new faces. I can’t say I was the best conversationalist and I did try to be anti-social for a little bit, but I realize that when I am being shy it may come off as snobby or unfriendly so I’m trying to get over that. I had a great time at Dante’s with a new friend, the Lovely Semaphoria, watching her husband/my old college friend’s new band who rocked. They had a sound that was a little NIN, a little bit Sound Garden and definitely a sound of their own. I was really impressed and loved their lead singer, that guy can sing! Their band is called ‘Drunk on Power’ so if you ever hear they are playing you should definitely check them out. After the fun at Dante’s I went back to the Boiler Room expecting to meet my huz there but his class ran pretty late and he decided to just go home. So I hung out with a couple friends there DEX, IBRT, Sam, John, Rob and Clarissa the Bartender. I had such a great time, a couple free drinks, sang Veruca Salt-Seether, an ABBA song- Fernando, and unfortunately a very tipsy-not-sung-so-well Evanescence – Bring Me to Life. But again I had such a great time hanging out with the guys and hearing good music with friends before bad karaoke and best part of all… I got home at 2am and woke up and made it to work on time and in a good mood. Yes, hooray for Wednesday night fun.

Thanks to my sweet friends that make it perfectly safe and fun to go out without the Huz. I appreciate you all.

Have a wonderful weekend as I may not get back to the computer or downtown for a while since my in-laws are coming into town this weekend for a week and a half. Hooray!!! Really… Hooray!

Can you believe it?

2006-06-05T15:40:00.000-07:00

It's June!

My hair has grown so long I can tuck it into my pants.

I've managed to stay at the same weight for 3 months.

I have two 16 year old boys

I have 4 cats and two dogs

I have way more debt than income but still manage to pay my bills on time and have play money when I need it.

I'm only half a year away from 30.

There are lots more but that will do for now, I mean really! Can you believe it?

yeah, I'm nermal.

2006-06-01T15:54:00.000-07:00

No, nermal was that little neighbor cat on Garfield. Normal, I am... at least not pregnant and not gigantic feeling anymore! Thanks to a weekend of massive pain and drugs. And all that with two 16 year old boys, one 12 year old girl, a 4 year old girl and a 1.5 yr old baby girl in diapers. Yes, I played super nanny this weekend and survived. I also cleaned my house from top to basement and managed to shop a little also. Drugs rock!

So, after recovering at work--- kind of at work --- dr.s office, DEQ, car repair shop I treated myself to a night out with friends last night. I had loads of fun and didn't get home until 2am and still was able to get up on time and make it through a day of work. Hooray! Although I did use my whole lunch break sleeping in the car. I'm trying with all my might to not catch the nasty cold that is circulating through my home and work and has completely debilitated my husband and three male co-workers but we know how that goes. Ok, that's it for this week. Have a wonderful weekend.

It's like this...

2006-05-23T13:02:00.000-07:00

We have the two 16 yr old boys. They have horses and goats and are part of the equestrian team. So, what did we do this past week? Take the boys and their horses to Medford with their equestrian team for state finals. Meaning... we drove down 5 almost 6hrs on wednesday to sit and wait in 100 degree weather till sunday morning so that our two boys and their little girl friends could do a 4 and a half minute drill with their horses. It was fun and educational and at times boring and frustrating. The two boys are ultimately 16 and act like the world revolves around them and they know everything and we don't know squat! which is pretty close to true when it comes to horses and all that is involved with that but of course they have no grasp on the cost of such a little event. We are now easily $1100 in the hole and the boys placed 18th out of 23 but did help push their team to first place for the whole weekend. So that was great.

Dan and I really did have a good time and we got to know the boys and their friends much better. I am starting to be the mean parent though and my patience is wearing a bit thin but what can you do? I've turned into the classic lecture machine which actually comes quite naturally to me. Shocking I know, for those of you that know me.

I've got to say that for last week starting out with mother's day waking up at 4am with hives that lasted until thursday (for no apparent reason) taking benedryl and driving in the heat with crazy horses, wasting 2 pregnancy tests (which actually means I've got another stupid ovarian cyst which makes the body think and act like it's pregnant, hence morning sickness/headaches/swelling of everything)the week was wonderful thanks to my wonderful husband who takes amazing care of both the boys and myself. He's amazing and I totally lerv him!

That's the update long time coming. Hope all of you are well! Seee you soon!

Hangovers and Oakspark don't mix.

2006-05-09T10:51:00.000-07:00

Yes, we were kidless this weekend, so friday night was filled with fun... a little too much fun. There are some events that I know happened but have no recollection of them--- fun. So Saturday after some sleeping in, we went to watch one of the boy's (Tim's) basketball games and afterwards we had lunch and tried to buy time for the next game at 8:30 as Tim's team made playoffs. So, what the heck, let's hit Oaks park. Now mind you the rides aren't amazing but a lot cheaper than the waterfront Cinco de mayo stuff was so we bought a few tickets to ride and all I can say is that park is filled with spinning rides which since I woke up spinning wasn't the best mix. But it was fun nonetheless but we both were queezy the rest of the day. There is a ride called the screaming eagle which is a great ride, especially for two bucks. We will be back and maybe this time we will bring the kids.

It was all in all a great date weekend, no kids, much fun, oakspark, silly picture booth pictures, sunday afternoon laziness and shopping, and more basketball games. Which after that was all done we went to help some family friends move their pool table up to their game room and then we spent a few hours eating pizza, playing pool, fuse ball and air hockey. It was just a great weekend and I feel like I actually had a break and like my boys even more as I saw them in another environment which I've not ever seen them in before and I almost was proud. Can I be proud of kids that aren't mine? Yes, it's a great life... nice kids and wonderful husband. I'm so spoiled!

Have a great week!

What!?! I can not just have one!

2006-04-24T12:18:00.000-07:00

Once upon a time in Jr high or so, I thought it was cool to have two boyfriends at one time (they both knew about eachother and were friends and it worked just fine until one started liking another girl, then I only had one). A year or so into my marraige I thought I needed a pet, but when I went to pick it up there were two pure black absolutely adorable kittens who were brothers and so I got two. A couple years later a dog was what would complete the family but no, not one, I got two. And then a few months after that ummm... being the kind that takes in strays: two more cats. So when it came to the whole foster kid thing, could I just do one? Absolutely not! There were two boys in the home that were needing a good home. So, we took both 16 year old boys. Did I think I loved the first? yup and do I adore the second? yes, of course. But what am I thinking? They are 16!!!! And now what do I have to pay tons of attention to? Whether or not things and behaviors are appropriate.

The boys had a big equestrian meet this weekend (the whole damn weekend!) and Jacob came up behind me and gave me a huge bear hug. Later on one of his friends asked him who is cute new girlfriend was? How embarrassing when he answered "my mom!"

Yes, what weird things I have to be watchful of. Just what I need is to hear that people think I have two new young boyfriends or that our kid/parent relationships are inappropriate. The world we live in! How do you tell kids that have never had the normal family/friend hugging, squeezing, love and affection that you think they deserve it and you love them and want to hug them but it would look bad in public?

Grrrrrrr!!!!! Oh well, I'd say "screw it, to hell with what people think" but I still want to protect them from that possibility. What can you do?

Ok that's what's up with me right now. Two 16yr old for the last month and a half, highschool girlfriend drama, equestrian stuff, and general spending all my time and energy at work and on my new family. Dan is amazing with the boys and is pretty much the stay at home Dad making sure they get to all their sporting events, cooking dinner and taking care of house and home. I am pretty blessed! And now I have 3 guys I love! But it is weird when they call me mom... I would have been 12 when I concieved. Yikes and yuck!

Have a great week!

I lerv our kid.

2006-03-22T14:05:00.000-08:00

He's great and nice and fits in perfectly strange. But all I gotta say is I'm totally not liking his old foster mom and some of her friends, they are making this whole situation a lot harder than it should be and will be pulling these boys through some tough shit for a few months. Let me tell you if I ever run into her face to face, I will have words for her.

She made it very apparent that they were income to her and her ranch-hands. It makes me very disappointed and angry plus making me want to hug and protect this kid. Grrrrr!!!! let me tell you!

Ok, aside from that... we are well, happy and doing just fine. We'll see you soon.

hooray!

2006-03-14T10:50:00.000-08:00

So we met the kid yesterday. He's 16, tall, looks like a 16 year old boy, plays basketball, quarter back for the football team, "A" student, a drummer (with his own set), on the equestrian team does all sorts of pattern things, drossage(?spelling?), and herding contests and he owns two goats. He's sarcastic and funny and will fit right in. Just an all around good kid as far as I can tell.

So, we are kind of excited. He's staying with us tonight and will be moving in tomorrow after court, unless he decides not to do the court thing, which is totally up to him. But he asked us last night if he could move his stereo in and that is a good sign. Now we kind of have to schedule our going out, play time, and all that but he is a very independant kid and we were told needs very little supervision. So, possibly in a week or two we'll just try that out.

Ok, that's the update... we won't know about the other kid for a couple of weeks. We haven't met him or talked to his caseworker at all. But so far, so good!

okluyabuhbye!

No kids yet!

2006-03-11T09:46:00.000-08:00

It is this crazy game... the system that is supposed to help them also allows them to get their hopes up in a losing battle. Inevitably the boys current foster care provider will lose her license and all this fighting the boys are doing to stay with her will all be for nothing. It's a cruel game. And while Dan and I are feeling a little bit like yo-yos being told they will be moving in tomorrow night and the next minute a couple of weeks and then the next call we get says monday and last heard it will now be wednesday. Ultimately, we have prepared to pour ourselves into them for the next few weeks until they realize they can trust us and get comfortable. We are willing to invest everything we can in them. It will all be worth it in the end. The best part is I finally learned their last names and called the high-school counselor with whom I'm friends with as she was my counselor also and she told me they couldn't have picked two better boys for us. They both are 'A' students, great in the sports they are involved with and just all around good kids. That was a relief to find out.

Aside from this soap opera we have had beautiful inches of snow and dog crisis. Our poor yellow lab Sadie has had an operation to push back in a hernia that had ripped through the muscles in her vagina and was hanging out the back of her like a softball... and I'm still trying to maintain my normal 8am-to 5pm work schedule. (yes that has suffered a bit, but my bosses are so wonderful!)

So, this next week is filled with more unsteadiness and craze but we made it through last week and I'm looking forward to this week. Hope all you all are well and happy although after reading some of your entries... I've a different hunch about that but you are in my thoughts and prayers.

Luvyabuhbye!

No beads for Taryn!

2006-02-28T12:41:00.000-08:00

What!?! me?!? blind everyone with these freakishly pale headlights. Nope... not my thing. It's taxes for taryn and we sign and we get enough $$ to pay off the credit card. Yes a nice bundle, right before we get the kid and a new engine for Dan's car.
Figures doesn't it! You get a little cash and something breaks.

Oh well, this year's motto is the same as last year's: "It's only money!" And like always, a little less dough has never stopped us. We still are playing whenever we want and even that is going to change when Tim the foster kid moves in. Yep, craziness in the next few weeks as we adjust to the life of "guardians of the teenager".

I put on my Dad's 50th birthday party on Saturday night, I am hosting a friend of a friends 30th on sunday and .... Dun Dun Dun! (Drum roll quietly)

Your friend and mine: Tiffany's b-day on friday night at the BR. She has announced a "Goth" theme and I expect many to show. Got that?!?

Ok

I'll let you go for now... Have a nice sloppy wet day!

So, I'm in need of some insight.

2006-02-12T15:41:00.000-08:00

My Huz is 30 and I will be in a year. We were approached by a lady we are acquainted with and she asked us if we would be interested in becoming a foster family for a teenage boy. I'm sure you can see the dilemma here, but the other factors are as follows: we have 3 extra bedrooms, we have an adequate income, Dan's work hours allow him to be home when the kid is not in school, the kid is already housed in this school district and is doing great at his school.

We could easily do this, we are in walking distance of the high school and we want to see kids succeed in the situations they are in. But the dilemma is partially are we ready for that kind of a lifestyle change and would it be safe for a 29 year old 125lb girl to have a strange 17 year old boy living in her house?

It is a quandary- let me know what you think.

Good Saturday Morning...

2006-01-21T09:17:00.000-08:00

The huz is out landscaping somewhere in the world and I is at computer listening to loud music of choice. Thinking of all the great things to do with my day. This morning is the obligatory bridesmaid duty of running my friend all over the NW to try on gowns. That will be much fun! And then you know other miscellaneous girl stuff...eats, shopping, and more. Terrible to be such a girly girl. But I think I can handle a day or two every six months.

Hope all is well in your little lands. Take care!

Hello! Happy 2006!

2006-01-07T15:35:00.000-08:00

Well, 2005 finished while we were in Mexico. Puerto Vallarta was a nice 80 degrees and sunny. There was lots of hiking and drinking and playing and some relaxing in there somewhere.

2006 doesn't promise a ton of changes so far, but I guess I'm looking forward to the year. I turn 29 in a couple of weeks and will be getting a raise at about the same time so that doesn't hurt. Otherwise, still me working and playing and watching my husband do the same.

Hope all of you are well and that we run into each other somewhere down the road.

Hasta!

Happy Thanksgiving!

2005-11-24T10:52:00.000-08:00

Hiya... hey just want to say that I'm thankful for all of my good friends. All of you who take the time to talk, blog, write, even think of myself or Dan from time to time. WE appreciate you and think of you often and how you add to our lives. Just thought I'd let you know.

WE miss those of you we don't see much anymore and hope you are doing well.

Love and hugs.

big rain!

2005-11-07T18:45:00.000-08:00

and huge wind and a little happy me! yup still me. the child inside of a more grown up frame... cracks me up! I was a little dead dolly for the halloween party which turned out to be a joke but we had fun despite.

It's just been lovely outside, great sky scapes and schizophrenic weather. I love it!

ok buh-bye!

I'm the branch that you break!

2005-10-08T09:00:00.000-07:00

I started taking a Pilates class and am feeling like a weak little sapling.
(I'm a fountain of glass in the shape of a girl.)
Amazing how a nasty cold can make me feel not so ________
(Drink me, make me feel real!)
It is my favorite month and I'm starting my seasonal mysterious feel, pretty like fog and blowing leaves.
(If you forget my name you will go astray like a killer whale trapped in a wave)
A few friends I've seemed to lose contact with, and these months in the year make me miss them and I feel I've been caught up in this comfy little world and let myself be dragged away from them instead of fighting the current.
(Stand up, you've got to manage. I won't sympathize anymore!)
And this is my attempt at reaching out to old ghosts... not pirates or lost loves. Ghosts of strong friendships and beautiful people.
(You're alright there's nothing wrong, self sufficient pleas and get to work)
And then monday comes back, and the weekly grind happens but (amazing) this pilates class keeps on... my strength is growing, my flexiblility, my self esteem, not only physically but mentally. I was a ferocious tiny person once and I want that back.
(I can sense it, something important is about to happen it's coming up, it takes time to enjoy it big time ____________)
I love October!

hiya!

2005-09-12T18:32:00.000-07:00

Yes, I've been avoiding the compy. and do I feel shame? Not in the least. I've decided it will not own me at home as it does at work. But I have stopped by to check in on my blogger friends. I am waiting the news of your strange lives adventures and am happy to see the wit in writing you all possess.

So, the reunion went well. I stopped payment to the Greek Cusina because I'm like that. Breech of contract and other crap that made me have to refund a couple people their $, so for the havoc of that I pulled my punches. Still waiting to hear if they will knock off some $$ and then I'll be happy to pay them and be done with the whole business of it for another few years.

My job is great, life is good and we are playing a plenty. Colorado this weekend, the gorge the following, cali (magic mountain hooray!)next month for the 6th anniversary. Crazy!

Hope all are good as I or on their way. Until the next time.

Buh-bye!

Surgerized and getting better!

2005-08-20T09:27:00.000-07:00

Yup, the surgery went well. I'm a few lbs lighter and not feeling quite human yet but I'm on my way. The Doc said as soon as I'm feeling better we should be able to start on that family thing, which is exciting but now kinda more freaky than I expected.

This week I was hired on full-time with Wells Fargo Home Mortgage, I am the one at the site that Hires and Fires and so far it has been pretty interesting. I did 2 months of training and 2 months on my own as a temp and strange but true have found that I'm pretty OK at this HR stuff.

Tonight is our 10 year reunion, of which I am the organizer and boy can I not wait til this weekend is over. Then I won't have anything planned to do until december. That rocks!

All right, now that I've updated. I'll leave you in peace.

Have a great weekend.

When your relieved that you have a tumor!

2005-07-09T02:59:00.000-07:00

It's a funny thing, I've been away from my computer for a very long time, working many hours. Liking my current job, and being so tired and strange feeling that I just crap out when I get home. Yes! So I finally went and had this horribly uncomfortable test run, to see if my fallopian tubes were blocked and not to my surprize they were perfectly clear. But as I was watching the screen, seeing the tubes and other various things we saw a large object in there that was not supposed to be in there! The lovely Dr. described it as a chicken egg size mass that is blocking off the inside of the guest room. Weird eh? So, between Dan and I, I'm considered his "mass"-ive wife. Cute huh?

And all of those people around me that have watched me struggle with this weird, "perfectly fine and healthy but no babies" thing are as excited as I am to actually have a reason that nothing was happening and making me feel so crappy. So, within the next couple of months I get to have surgery and maybe lose a couple pounds that I've been collecting and feel better. That would be nice! Thanks to all who have been well wishing me. I appreciate your thoughts.

Well, I won't stay away as long as I have been. Have a great weekend!

hi!

2005-06-06T21:03:00.000-07:00

I'm all hummy right now. I dyed my hair with a temporary hair color, and it looks like a mix between cinnamon and blood. Hmm! I like that!

And i'm in a little awe of all of my talented acquaintances and friends. Listening to a CD a friend made and the writing makes me want to write. Funny how that works sometimes, eh?

OK, work sucks... just because I'm new and I don't know what I'm doing. But I love my drive, the people I'm working with, and all the different things I have to do. And the amount of time outside of work it gives me. I actually came home, used the eliptical cross trainer, showered, dyed my hair, ate dinner with the Huz, ran over to my moms, and am now playing on the computer. And i still have a while before I go to bed. I love it!!!!!

Ok, maybe later I'll write more interesting stuff, but I'm in a giddy little mood and don't feel like it now. Buh-bye lalas.

Can you even believe?

2005-05-17T20:45:00.000-07:00

I can't believe it's been this long since I've touched my computer... Strange!!!
Well, so far I've been swamped training the new lady at my old job and being trained at my new job. And two weeks into my new job and loving it! My drive is twenty minutes compared to the two hours it took to get to the old one and it is such a busy and demanding job that I might never get bored and the days go by fast. Exactly how I like it. But I must say, being trained by a prego lady has it's pros and cons...
some days she is a little scatter-brained and crabby, and other times she is overly sweet and emotional. But I do like her and it has been fun.

So, my going out days have diminished. $ flow is an issue as of late, and i just don't feel like I need to or want to go out as much. Maybe once a week or so, it will depend. But I still do want some connection to the people I like so much! So, it might all depend on that too.

Well, it's late and I have things that must be done before I let my husband walk out the door for work, so until later. Have a nice week.

Friday

2005-04-29T10:47:00.000-07:00

I called in sick yesterday at one in the morning because I couldn't fall asleep, I didn't fall asleep until 4a.m. and slept until 1 in the afternoon yesterday. Last night I finally fell asleep around 1a.m. but woke a gazillion times which we all know means five times and it tood me forever to get comfortable and fall back asleep. And today I'm swamped, and feel crappy. My body is rebelling against me for no forseen reason, it just hates my mind I think! And I am trying to get all this crap done before the new lady gets here on Tuesday. GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRr. So, we will see how much really happens... I may want to be a sloth all weekend, and pretend I don't exist. That never works but I can try.

Ok, have a great weekend.

More things to be afraid of...

2005-04-26T10:37:00.000-07:00

I had an interview yesterday. They hired me on the spot. So, here's that little leap into the unknown, "will they like me", "will I be able to do all the work?", "Am I really qualified? or did I just do a good job selling myself?". Yes, the real fear will hit on my first day, may 9th. When I step in that door and humility knocks my head off.

But it is a "Temporary job" with the option to be permanent in 3 months. I will be making the same as I do at my other job, I will have a fancier title (but in the wash it still ends up a secretary), and it is in Sunnyside just off I-205-so my drive will only be 20mins or so. And if they like me and I them in three months, they hire me and I get a pretty good raise and benefit package. But the best thing about this job... I get to wear whatever I want. Yes, you are reading it correctly "WHATEVER" i want, jeans, t-shirts, neon-zebra-striped-spandex catsuit, you name it. No dress code...HOORAY!!!!!!! Bank hours and holidays. Hours will most likely be 730-430, which so doesn't suck. Yes, and even more... it is in the same building that Dan will be going to school in at night. So, we will see eachother for dinner before his class. I might call this "divine" coincidence. But it works out quite well for me. So, I will most likely be out playing this week.

You all have a nice Tuesday!

Thursday afternoon-oon.

2005-04-21T15:55:00.000-07:00

It's weird and hazy outside and that is exactly how I have felt these last couple of days. Hazy and blurry and sleepy. Not tired, just sleepy. Like I want to curl up with a fleece blanket in front of a fire and just sleep for an indefinite amount of time. Possibly this is due to my inconsistent sleeping patterns at night. Weird dreams lately, and waking up every 20 or 45 minutes, just being all together uncomfortable and having that run into my awake time also. Oh well, what can you do?

Last night was nice, good to see everybody and listen to everybody. I am so entertained by our little group of friends, so much talent in such a small group of people. Amazing!

Ok, I don't have much to say. Thank you T&M for dinner last night. I shall see you all this weekend sometime.

I want to write...

2005-04-18T10:43:00.000-07:00

But I don't feel very prolithic at the moment. I am embarressed about how much money I've just thrown away this last couple of weeks. Call it shopping therapy, call it uninhibited, I call it plain old bad decision making. I've had a great weekend, Dr's appts are over, shopped a ton, M's birthday was so much fun, and I felt cute all weekend. And that is a feat in itself. Plus, there have been lots of tears shed this weekend, both Dan and I had our moments--- i think he gets all sappy when I actually decide to let my flood gates break and admit that I feel helpless, weak, out of control, and that I truly am struggling with all these external forces. I don't want to be a major sap, but it is a beautiful thing to see my husband let a few tears go, lovely to see how our relationship changes and grows, it's amazing to me to have a friend so close (while looking at a messy, sobbing, running nose girl) tell me I'm cute and share tears with me. I'm so grateful! It makes all the muscles in my chest stress as my heart thuds wildly at the thought of him sometimes. I am so lucky/blessed/whatever you want to call it.

Now, to be a responsible girl and do bills, clean house and make brunch for the two of us. Thank you for letting me ramble on these pages in space and caring enough to read any of it. Have a good monday.

1st Dr's appt down!

2005-04-14T16:57:00.000-07:00

Well, as expected, I cried through the whole appointment starting with the stepping on the scale and seeing how much I have gained since my last appointment. Yes, I am such a girl! And like I also expected, I have a bunch of fun tests to do regarding this whole reproductive crap. And will be doing only what we can manage to word in a way so that it doesn't sound like fertility treatment as neither of our health insurances cover that. But I have a few options, aside from her diet and exercise option, her acupuncture/getting my chi in line option, and going to a fertility specialist option which wouldn't be covered and would be expensive. Oh girlie matters!

And then tomorrow at least, I'll only be working a half day so that I make that appointment on time and there is no way I'm coming in after I leave this place! And that one should be more cut and dry. With either a simple yes we can do surgery, no we won't have to or no there isn't anything we can do for that.
But I'm so excited to have non-crackling ears... that would be so wonderful!

OK, that was my update. Talk to yous later!

I don't feel like it!

2005-04-13T11:01:00.000-07:00

I woke numerous times last night and upon the 20th time this morning, decided I don't want to do anything today! I didn't want to come to work (but I did!), I don't feel like eating (so I haven't yet), I didn't want to stop to get gas (so I didn't!), I don't want to do all this crap on my desk (so I'm stalling!), I don't want to do anything after work but go home and potato on the couch (so I most likely won't come out tonight, sorry BR kids;)). I am just in one of those moods, I'll save the going out for friday.

Otherwise, still breathing/dreaming/living/loving/laughing/crying/being me. See ya later.

messy! and anxiety ridden.

2005-04-12T10:54:00.000-07:00

Yep! It's a messy taryn day. Pants that are too big, shirt that hugs too much, sloppy pony tail with hair wisping down all around my tired face. Been up since 5am and at work since 630am and running like a chicken with it's head cut off til now. Love to help and be needed, but only needed because some people are complete morons when they get around electronics. The supervisor comes dashing up to my office "I need your help!" (Of course I have to go running to another building across the campus to fix the problem *shakes head*) I get down there to find the data projector showing blue screen with no RGB feed. And so I check the lines, and then the laptop it's attached to... turn to the supervisor: "Mary, it helps if you turn the laptop on" I say.

Yes, this is why I'm so desperately needed here. Lots of this kind of stuff. I came in yesterday morning because my boss told me on friday that no one would be here to do the 9am report, which only 3 of us have access to. I got here yesterday and both of the others were here but neither one had done the report. I was fuming!!!!! I drove in from Estacada for an hour's worth of work when I didn't need to! So I stayed for a few more hours and got some other stuff done. And today I'm helping out again. I must have stupid written all over my face.

The anxiety part comes from the doctor's appointment I'm supposed to have on friday. I get to find out if I need surgery on my ears. Since 1998 I have had major earaches, crackling, pressure, fluid behind the ear drum issues, and it makes it so I can't hear my own voice inside my head [which I like to blame some of my pitch problems on ;)]. I most likely can't hear %100 or like normal, so I'm excited to get that fixed, but not excited if it means surgery on both ears, clearing our scar tissue from my eustation tubes. That won't be fun nor would tubes in my ears, but if it helps with the crackling and hearing thing then I guess I suffer to reap the benefits. But my heart thuds just thinking about it. Yikes! And thursday I have a Dr. appt to figure out why we aren't getting pregnant, Oh boy!. These just are not fun appointments, I will be a blubbering idiot by thursday night. So, forgive me if I'm a little less social when I go out this week. I hate to admit that I have weaknesses but these two things freak me out.

Ok, you all have a nice day.

weeee... It's Friday

2005-04-08T13:37:00.000-07:00

Apparently I'm irreplaceable. That is a good feeling. We've interviewed 10 people for my job and none of them were options, one was but she didn't take the job (too much stress, not enough money!)

Well, it will be a girls night out with my friend "Messy". We will be dining at the Montage and stalking people, and shopping and then probably hit the BR. It's been a while since we've played, so it should be fun. I'm trying hard to recover from the migraine I woke with, but being here at work until 7pm gives me plenty of time to recover. Ok, I'm sure I will see some of you this weekend. Have a good one.!

"Tomorrow's coming round a hairpin curve in the road..."

2005-04-07T10:28:00.000-07:00

It was Poe in the CD player on the way to work, with the line "you look like sh--! what's your problem bi---?" resonating in my head. Kind of woke gloomy and rainy and gray. Couldn't try to look cute, which might have helped but when the husband called and told me he wasn't coming home directly to see me before I left for work, I just lost all motivation for cuteness.
So, a little effort made with black and white striped shirt and bright pink pants... *kinda cute* but that was it. Then a few minutes ago, my husband shows up here at my work with flowers;) bright yellow and orange gerbera daisy's and a sappy card. Hooray for him! Exactly what I needed. How wonderful!

Ok la-las have a nice afternoon!

Gosh, i can be so crushy!

2005-04-06T11:36:00.000-07:00

I don't know why, but reading BS LJ entry on the description of kissing (grrrrrrrrrrr). There has to be sparks and things and then it is all lovely!

At least, it makes me feel warm and fuzzy. Even kisses on heads, cheeks, foreheads shows a love. A type of love and respect that you just don't give to those undeserving of it... well, at least in this culture.

And by-the-by, I have Clarissa's two kitties and I love them. So pretty and cuddly, but still a little freaked out. Lucy has found that she can crawl up into the underside of the mattress in the guest bed and hide out for hours. This scared me at first because I couldn't find her and thought she was lost in the giant space that is my house until looking under the bed I noticed a large sag in the material. But Beatrice has already become used to the place and both Dan and I. Slowly but surely. As soon as I feel that they are both used to their new home, then I will introduce them to the other two cats and dog. Then they can roam the whole house. I could so become the old woman with gobs of kitties. I love them.

2005-04-01T10:53:00.000-08:00

What! I'm feeling weird today. I had a nasty headache all day yesterday and slept like the dead all night. And now I'm just feeling strange. I don't plan on looking at this computer screen all day. IT is a physical labor day. So, moving boxes, rearranging furniture, cleaning out this office will be the tasks for the day! Hooray!

Well, I'm hoping to hear good news and reason to go out tonight. *Fingers crossed, toes crossed, little good luck wishes*

Buh bye happy friday
Current Mood: buzzzzy
Current Music: Fiona Apple: Love ridden

meh

2005-03-31T10:26:00.000-08:00

The husband slept for over 20 hrs yesterday, and today is feeling much better. But I, on the other hand, slept horrible (if at all). I wasn't actually able to close my eyes until around 2am, for no reason other than they wouldn't stay shut with lots on my mind. And then I fell asleep and the dog wanted out, and then I fell asleep and woke 20 minutes later too hot, and then husband coughing, then me coughing and choking, and finally a good sleep came around 6am but the alarm went off at 645 and I changed it to 745am but my brother called at 720am. I got up at 8am and put clothes on and came to work. i have messy hair and little make-up, feeling all around gross and messy and would like very much to just go back to bed.

Ok, well at least I don't have plans today. I can just work and go home. You have a nice day.

I survived, but now to survive the family.

2005-03-30T09:40:00.000-08:00

Everyone in my family got the sickness, everyone! Cousins, aunts, uncles, dads and now my mom and husband. And of all of these... these two are the worst at sickness. My mom cries because of her earache and wants me to run around all over the world and help her do housework and so on (which is ironic because I had a good temperature, earaches, soreness of every kind and her response was "toughen up an earache is not something to stay home from work with!" So you can imagine her surprise when i started laughing when she told me (in tears and sobs) that her ear hurt.
And my husband just gets...well, you know... he's a guy.
He's not horrible, it's just different because he's never sick! But when I left him this morning he had quite a high temp, was difficult to wake and was moaning. Which made me feel like I shouldn't go to work but I did after I gave him medication to lower the fever. So, to say the least I will be leaving early to take care of the husband.

I stayed home all weekend, did the easter thing with dinner and baskets with the whole sick family. And then spent the rest of weekend cleaning house and closets and just making my world a better place. Hooray!

Okay it's wednesday the week is on it's way downhill to the weekend. I could so get used to this working only 3 days a week thing! It is loverly!

smile wink

2005-03-25T10:18:00.000-08:00

Hi!
Friday morning and I don't have much to say except have a good weekend and I hope this day flies by for you.

ok, buh-bye!

Hee hee

2005-03-24T13:22:00.000-08:00

Well, I had a fun night last night. I was there to hang out with T but was distracted by other things and was able to talk to N about St. Patricks night fiasco. I admitted to stalking a guy from a former blues band and embarrassed myself a bit with that, turns out the guy was in his mid-forties and was quite flattered that I had a mini crush on him, but you know how that one ends. As soon as you actually meet and talk to the object of attraction it goes away... at least for me as I am married. I do the "talk talk talk--- oh my husband (fill in blank)" so that there are never any misconceptions about my attention and intentions. But it was nice to be flirted with a little.

Well, I'm sorry i didn't spend more time with T last night though, her work is bad! And I wanted to be fun for her but she was already in a fun mood and M was entertaining her much. So, I was actually social and flitted about. I hope you all have a nice day today. talk to you later.

New stage in my life.

2005-03-23T13:19:00.000-08:00

I have finally gotten to this stage in my mind that I must throw stuff away. I must accept my age and that I may never be a size zero, two, or four ever again ( i don't think that a sz 6 is too unrealistic for my body type though, so I'm still holding on to that dream). That I must get healthy and I don't need to hang on to old pictures from highschool and stuff. So, this week I have spent much time re-organizing. creating piles of clothes from Jr. High and highschool and early college that I may never fit into again no matter how cute they are or how motivated I get to lose weight. And I am not kidding about the clothing and shoes. 78 pairs of shoes, two closets and a dresser full of clothing much of which I haven't worn for 2 years. Lingerie that I got at my bridal shower that was worn once and never will be worn again just because of the horror that is pale ass in thong type styles and the laughter that ensued when it was worn the one time.

Strange! I don't know if I like this growing up/maturing thing!

Last night was stupid.

2005-03-18T11:33:00.000-08:00

I am stupid for going out! I can't believe how ridiculous people can be. And how drunk women can be so horribly manipulative and rude. Let's just say that I was moved to the point of cussing, irritated to the worst extent I have ever been, and little'ol calm me... I wanted to start throwing elbows and fight!

I have never been lifted of my chair to have some drunk lady continuously spit in my face while she is heatedly telling me stuff that I'm supposed to be impressed over, and then be accused of flirting and throwing myself at someone and that in the scheme of her ranting was trying to be protective or some lie like that. #1. I don't care, #2 nobody is that important, (she was a promoter and claimed that Snow Patrol and John Mayer would not even be famous or popular if it had not been for her, you know because they have no talent whatsoever! geez! people!) #3 what do I have to gain by lying about anything? #4. I only throw myself at one guy! and that's my husband! #5 I don't need strangers to tell me about people I already know and #6 if what was accused to be said about her was actually said, it would have served her right, because she was not nice!

And then there was the girl sitting across from me, which sorry Spooky and Ebatt, she has never made a good impression. She was obnoxious, I thought I had made it very clear that I wasn't interested in socializing with her, and she just kept on. "You should be happy, isn't this fun? don't I have the best boobs in the bar?, You should talk to me! I'm smart I'm Italian blah blah blah!" Well, when you have to tell people that your smart, that is just acknowledgement that you obviously don't appear to be. And why your ethnicity should make any deference to that, I don't know. Plus when she introduced herself and I told her that we had already met at Spooky's place, she argued with me that we hadn't and that she was not at that little houswarming party. How bright is that? Arguing with me over something that even all of her friends could attest to. Idiot!

Yep, the night was almost a horrible waste. At least dinner (and a couple guinness) was nice with people I do like (and my nice friends also bought me a car bomb and a butter baby shot at the bar, so that was incredibly nice and needed). I'm tired today and have already had just as bad a start to the day as yesterday. I have just been completely incompetent here at work, or not so much incompetent as not on the ball. I guess, I have checked out and am finding it hard to deal with. I would like to think that the quality and efficiency of my work would stay the same whether I like a job or not, but Damn this "being human" thing!

Ok, that was my whining and complaining rant for this month. Have a good weekend!

a tiny bit Irish

2005-03-17T10:55:00.000-08:00

And totally adorned in green today... because I'm like that!
I like to dress for the occasion, and today I will be listening to some Irish musicians while typing away. I most likely will stay in tonight but I feel more like going out today than I did last night. I was so not in a social mood and was not into talking or dressing up, the renovation should start soon and I was feeling huge, tired and I still feel/sound crappy. I have never had a fever come and go throughout six full days. It's so stupid!!!

So, I am quite enjoying all your entries as of late. Entertaining! I feel like a voyeur, a fly on the wall of your lives. It makes me feel a connection with you, without having to be involved in stuff that in most cases would be time consuming to hear about verbally because it would entail conversation and some parts would be missed because of questions or tangents. I do care for most of you, I'm not saying that I wouldn't take the time to listen to you. I just like this forum. I think mostly, because I like to listen and don't feel obligated to comment.

I learn more about you when I keep my mouth shut. and since I only know most of you from one setting, it is puzzle pieces put together here which solidify why I like you in that other setting. But truly you are all entertaining and I feel so mediocre in the grand scheme of it all.

Why watch TV when there are real people who are living lives so different from eachother that you can read about and interact with. It's fun!

Well, this was all a bit of nothing. happy St. Patricks day.

fallen off the face of the earth due to sickness.

2005-03-16T10:37:00.000-08:00

What can a fever do for a girl who doesn't like to drink a lot of water... well, puniness, prolonged confusion and exhaustion. My fever only fluctuates up four or five degrees and I run a normal of 96.4 so it is just tiring. My whole weekend (which lasted until tuesday) has been filled with chills, sweat, nose blowing, stuffiness, coughing and wheezing,but it didn't stop me from my normal activities like window shopping, going out with the Huz, helping friends move, working on the reunion crap, cleaning a little bit of house, and the general running myself ragged as I like to do. I was polite enough to carry disinfectant wipes with me when I sang on Sunday and although I went out monday, I did very little after helping load and transport stuff for friends. Karaoke from Hell, was entertaining and all I did was spectate and wish "The Trip" Hapbday. Yesterday I tried to feed away my cold with steak and green beans, that didn't work. And I was unable to rest for more than a half an hour at a time through the night and was distracted by old movies on AMC. Luckily I slept in and didn't arrive to work until 0930. But staring at this computer and trying to breathe is wearing me out today. I might still show up at the BR for the wednesday night thing, but dressed like I'm from the future--- I don't know. So, ok I must fly work is calling.

tee hee

2005-03-11T09:41:00.000-08:00

I'm a slacker. I am wearing jeans to work, and I plan on leaving right after my little going away party and some how it makes me feel mischievious and rebelious, since I'm not going away yet. I'd like to care but don't today. The sun is pulling me outside and I can not ignore it. I really should take some time off before starting a new job. Burn out is heavy and smothering lately. And focus is worse.

So, I will be moving crap around my office, and throwing and organizing other stuff and then eating much and leaving for the weekend. Next week will start my 3 day work week and so I have a nice 4 day weekend. That doesn't hurt and might actually help!

Ok la-las, have a beautiful weekend!

Chocolate Lucky Charms!!!!

2005-03-09T09:29:00.000-08:00

Well of all things!?!?! when I am craving cereal it is either Lucky Charms or Coco Puffs. (This is craving cereal not breakfast options, get me right.) Well, I have happened upon Whole grain Chocolate Lucky Charms and have died and gone to heaven! I've gone through a whole box in one week. It's crazy.

I almost dug myself a hole with the work thing and was feeling a little irritated this morning as I sat in traffic. But did find out that I will only be working part-time here temporarily...like a month maybe. Hooray!!!!! As if that is not cool enough, a job option has popped up and is sounding very good ($$$), is in sunnyside/my drive time would only be 15-20minutes, so that is a huge hooray, and then I was one of those people sitting in traffic last night with a perfect view of Mt. St. Helens as it was erupting. It was awesome and to think I was just up there on Saturday, I was all giddy and trying to call Dan on my cell to let him know so he could run up the hill to see it, but he was not as excited as I. Go figure!

So, that is today's recap of current events in the meaningless life of Taryn. Hope to see some of you later tonight! Buh-bye!

kinda wierd... kinda close!

2005-03-08T14:36:00.000-08:00

"What does your birth month reveal about you?"

January
Stubborn and hard-hearted. Ambitious and serious. Loves to teach and be taught. Always looking at people's flaws and weaknesses. Likes to criticize. Hardworking andproductive. Smart, neat and organized. Sensitive and has deep thoughts. Knows how to make others happy. Quiet unless excited or tensed. Rather reserved. Highly attentive. Resistant to illnesses but prone to colds. Romantic but has difficulties expressing love. Loves children. Loyal. Has great social abilities yet easily jealous. Very Stubborn and money cautious.

So, that being said. Money cautious: I was talked into staying on part-time until I find a new job and so that they can hire somebody and I can train them. What an incredible idea!

the part about "likes to criticize" I wish that weren't true but it mostly is... I'm pretty critical about strangers but I am quite loving so I may feel critical about something but I'd love you and spend time and energy on you anyways! And the "always looking at people's flaws and weaknesses" is true but in a sympathetic/empathetic way or just to make myself feel better about myself ;) tee hee. The truth hurts.

OK, talk to you later!

It has begun...

2005-03-08T09:21:00.000-08:00

the scrambling to get every last thing done before I leave this place,
the harassment from the husband about finding a new "in-between" job,
the lists of things I'd like to do with my time off,
the cleaning out of closets, binders, notebooks, computer files, you name it!
the panic of no dependable paycheck in the coming weeks,
the realization of stopping the spending whenever I want, on whatever I want.
the little crazy flutter inside of my chest doing a happy little jig,
the immense relief of not having to sit in traffic for 3 hrs a day,
the big breaths I have to keep reminding myself to take as this change gets near.
Yes! today, tomorrow, thursday and friday. I feel like squealing and giggling.

Have a good day.

HI

2005-03-04T11:00:00.000-08:00

that's it for friday.

Coldplay day. A rush of blood to the head. Moody eh?

T's party was great!

2005-03-03T09:05:00.000-08:00

Everybody showed up in vintage gear and vintage hair styles and everyone sang wonderfully, which was phenomenal also. I, as usual, had a few too many drinks for singing and should have just passed the last 2 drinks and the last song. But will wonders never cease? that was not the case. there is a slight headache and weirdness that makes me feel like I'm getting old and should only stick to a couple drinks a nights, if only one.

So, I have (not including today) 5 more work days. I'm so very excited! And I really like using the word "so" today. it is so pretty out and I'm kinda giggly because my friend Trip who runs emptynoggin.com and CinemaQueso asked me to be in two of his upcoming movie shorts. I get to play the mother in a psuedo soap opera spoof and a Julianne Moore character in a spoof of one of her films ...hopefully not Boogie nights. I guess I should have asked which one...

Ok, have a wonderful day! I think I'll hit Cannon beach this weekend, it looks as though it will be lovely!

hee hee hee...

2005-03-02T10:21:00.000-08:00

I love theme parties. I think T's b-day party will be fun. Everyone does such a great job of dressing the parts. We just might have to sing 50's songs too!

Well, this weekend was fun. The underground tour was interesting. Much history and interesting stories. It was the ghost tour but I had no supernatural experiences. Then the rest of my weekend was plagued by reunion drama... which I don't care to go in to. And then the remainder of my weekend was relaxing. Played with my toddler cousins, walked my dog, cleaned house and played with the Huz. I am getting so excited to be out of work. I can't wait until the 11th!!!!!!

My nerves are all on edge and my mind wanders horribly. I'm not wont for daydreams, and my sleep is riddled with vivid dreams lately. So, the next few weeks should calm down and hopefully I will find some work close to home that is fairly enjoyable.

See you all tonight.

If I were feeling good at all...

2005-03-01T10:42:00.000-08:00

I'd tell you about my weekend, the underground tour and the drama that is unfolding as I begin to create my 10 yr highschool reunion... yes the people on the committee are obviously the same maturity level as they were in highschool. Oh I'm so lucky!

But I'm dealing with a bit of food poisoning or something along those lines. So due to the discomfort and gagging that is producing I shall write more tomorrow.

Have a wonderful day.

Sometimes...

2005-02-25T10:04:00.000-08:00

Responses to posts can make your day...even responses to posts that you have deleted. And strange when some think you are courageous when you feel your weakest and vulnerable. I have happened on some wonderfully kind acqaintances via this medium. My day started out bad again but all of a sudden nice words and sun shining through the fog makes my office glow up and shine and makes me feel smiley.

I DO like all of you... and you are all appreciated even if I don't say it to your faces or hug you ;).

(...see? i am a dork)

Oh yes Oh yeah! I'm excited because tomorrow night I am going to do the Portland Shanghai Underground Tour and I love things like that. Seattle's was fun, but it wasn't as dark as this. Seattle's underground was built with a purpose... the city kept sinking. but Portland's was used for malpurpose, so it should be fun. I shall tell how it is next posting. Have a good weekend.

It's funny how it all works out

2005-02-23T09:59:00.000-08:00

Not so much all the time, but almost. How a bad series of events leads to something better. How a foul mood can lead to much sleep and you wake the next day feeling refreshed and alive. When you are feeling like you are looking horrible, so you take a little time to pamper yourself and you feel a ton better with just the extra few minutes you've given yourself.

I'm not one for pampering myself. In fact... I feel selfish if I have spent more than five minutes trying to make myself look better. I don't do manicures, pedicures, spa days, massages, my only treat to myself is shopping and sometimes that turns out to be torture (as I have let myself go a little these last few months). But the extra time I took standing in the shower, taking time getting dressed and ready for work this morning, eating breakfast and fixing my hair and make-up was just what I needed. At least from the length of my hair up---I feel very pretty today.

And I have already gotten much done at work. So, I guess in the long run many things are working out now that I've made some choice decisions. The day started out well, I hope all of yours are good also.

And one more thing... it's funny how old(and new) friends know exactly what to say to make giant smiles appear on tired faces. I thank both Kellers for kind and happy words.

I'm feeling like a wreck.

2005-02-22T10:06:00.000-08:00

Like I have missed a bunch of stuff and fallen down on the job. I guess that is what happens when you come to the other side of a decision only to find that you should have made the decision long ago before it got this bad. I'd like to think I'm not wholly responsible for things not getting done here at work, I have pretty much worked independently since April. No manager, nobody to tell me what needed to get done, but some of the obvious things got missed also and being the person that I am... I feel guilty and incompetent. I wish I knew if there was a career or job out there that I would love to go to, everyday. Wake up in the morning and be excited to do that job. To get satisfaction from the things I've done throughout the day. But I've gotten to the place where I've worked so long at jobs that wear me down that it just doesn't seem conceivable now.

Ok, it is a gorgeous day and I know things are going to get better. I'm already happier and more active as the old cliche has gone "a weight has been lifted", but I've still got so much to do and as of yet not much time to do it.

Have a good day for me, will you?

I'm a big slacker

2005-02-18T09:06:00.000-08:00

Gonna leave work soon. It's only 9am but the day is wasting and I have lots to do and working just doesn't seem to be on my agenda. To do: get hairs trimmed, shop a little, pick up lunch for my friend at work, go to clackamas county animal shelter and look at a dog (great dane-I want her-I love her-my dog needs a pet!). And go home fix myself up and go out to a party at the BR. It's such a beautiful day for all these errands *I'm excited*. OK, see ya.

Excited but feeling huge!

2005-02-17T09:48:00.000-08:00

It's one of those things where I woke on time, I had a rockstar and dark fudge cake for breakfast, and am in a hugely pleasant mood and because of my lack of resistance can not complain that I feel huge. Who wouldn't? It nears the guestroom remodel and chocolate cake and caffiene sound like a perfectly splendid meal. I am having one of those great poofy hair days too! So, I'm excited to interview for a job today and then have the rest of the weekend off... well maybe. I should come in tomorrow but what's the point when it is at least an hour drive and I'd only have to be here for 3 hrs, stupid eh?

Yep, so the BR got some new tunes and I had a good time trying a couple: who new I could pull off Yaz, Kate Bush and PJ Harvey. I didn't, but didn't really care--- so it was fun. There are a few other new songs that look interesting to me, we'll have to see about those ones tomorrow night. Another dress up party at the BR... and I don't know how I'm gonna pull off cute, I'm quite sure I'm bloated to critical mass which makes me feel like all my skirts and dresses are either too tight or too short for chubby knees. At least I can look forward to when I'm not working here and sitting for 12 hrs a day. I think I might help my cousin with his landscaping business for a while just to be active and outdoors for a while and be away from dark chocolate, fudge cake and (caffeine) rockstar and Dr. Pepper.

ok lalas, have a delightful sunny day!

all I gotta say is...

2005-02-16T08:37:00.000-08:00

ANXIETY!!!!!!

17 more work days...

2005-02-15T09:57:00.000-08:00

My boss decided that she would only need me for a month so she set my final day as march 11th. Which freaks me out a little but i'm happy at the same time. I'm sure something will come up. It is exciting to me. Now I get to become the little drone looking for a job, oh boy!

Well, it is a beautiful day and time is a wasting. Have a good one.

Well... one more thing happened.

2005-02-15T09:56:00.000-08:00

Feb. 14th, 2005 @ 03:40 pm

So, I quit. I gave the new manager and my boss my letter of resignation and told them that I would stay for up to two months while they hired my replacement so that I could train the new office assistant. My last day may be a march 11th or april 15th. How fun is that?

Now we must all cross our fingers, or pray to whomever you pray to, that I find a new fun job so that Dan and I don't have to sell house and home and whatever else to make ends meet. Yup! I'm a quitter and it was for a good reason.

So, hooray! I guess I have a vacation coming.

Happy V.D.

2005-02-14T10:05:00.000-08:00

Yes, it's monday and valentine's day. I'm at work, as others asked for the day off, so my boss made me come in to cover for them (on my scheduled day off!!!). I'm feeling rather irritated by it now because it is MONDAY and i would rather just skip mondays all together. The weather is heavy and cold and my tolerance for my idiot new manager is waning everyday. So this is how I am spending my valentine's day.

( on this page I want very much to rant and rave and scream and yell and whine about why I need to quit my job and why I hate my new manager and justify and rationalize that a few months off would be just the thing for me, but it is supposed to be a lovey-dreamy day and I can't bring myself to torture you with my ungrateful, bad attitude, moaning and complaining... Oh! maybe I just did. But I can't help but think that if something doesn't happen soon I might do something drastic. Like quit before I find a new job.)

I have already consumed much chocolate and box of nerds. It shall all be over soon, only 7 more hours of work.

Hope you are all treated deservedly well by those that love you today. Think romantic thoughts!

Never let your husband dress you.

2005-02-10T10:35:00.000-08:00

Umm...pick out your clothes.
I never made it home before I needed to go get my cousins and stay with them last night. Dan brought me some work clothes. Which would have been fine because he was supposedly writing down what I was asking for, but apparently he wasn't all that awake. So, when he got to my cousin's house and handed me my stuff I tried to be very gracious and thank him and not freak out, well, he brought me the pants I asked for but the not the shirt, and he brought my contact solution but not my contact case or glasses.

Well, I asked him to bring that stuff with him when he went to work and I would just go pick it up. Now, I am at work wearing black and dark grey plaid-ish slacks that have a dark(royal) blue stripe in them and a turquoise/almost sky blue sweater. Feeling a little insecure about it but at the same time find it a little endearing. Cute that he couldn't tell that these two things don't go together at all.

So, I'm getting lots accomplished, my desk is almost caught up, my office is almost organized and I feel and look a little silly. It's a good day.

Hope yours is as good as mine.

nightmares

2005-02-08T07:36:00.000-08:00

I awoke from watching somebody get sliced and diced by some strange machine. The dream was very sci-fi in nature and vivid. Nothing surprized me though in my dream. I'm always like "OK... that was wierd" and keep on going with whatever I'm running from or fighting off. There was a cat and on the end of it's tail was a small cat head that talked to me, that I find disturbing now but in my dream it wasn't strange at all. So, I've been up since a little after 4a.m. and I'm really tired. I came to work very early to find that the meeting that I was going to go to, is a little more than I can handle today so I will put it off until I have to do it on the 24th.

Let's just say... Meyers & Briggs and another personality test, to group me in with a bunch of nurses and make me do ice breakers, and team building with, and go over what I can do to help them out... just won't fly today. So, I'll sit here at my desk and troll along with my little menial tasks, and my lowly duties. I thought I could start out my week with a good attitude but funny how a little e-mail can change that.

Have a grand Tuesday.

Not well and a serious case of witchyness!

2005-02-04T08:41:00.000-08:00

Short fuses and idiot co-workers do not make for a good work week. So, very much like the "mindpurge"(T), I have stayed home all week and plan to stay home tonight. All I can get myself to do this week is go to work, come home and eat and go to bed. I have attained the grand title of Sloth of the week. And although I've been on antibiotics for 3 days and a bunch of other crap meds, I still have a sore throat and crackling, sore ears and I've graduated to having a nasty chunky cough. I thought meds were supposed to make you better?

That is a run-down of my week. It sounds like complaining but it is just an observation of the week. Hope to get out of the house sometime this weekend. I miss seeing people. Ok have a great friday!

so we(the BR kids) are all a bunch of sickies.

2005-02-02T11:23:00.000-08:00

Yes, I myself had not been to work since last wednesday. I came in yesterday to last only for 3 hours. Went home to sleep for 6hrs and woke up feeling worse than ever. Went to the Dr. to find out I have a mild respiratory infection and double ear infections. So, I am starting to believe that the BR gives us diseases and the microphone should be disinfected on a routine basis, like between every song). Although, my infections were not catchy. But I'm back at work, dosed up on antibiotics and sudafed. And like a zombie finding the day trudging along deathly slow. But I am a little more productive than I thought I'd be. But this pain in my ears and neck/throat, and crackling ear thing is driving me berzerk!

We all should be better soon. Take care of yourselves and relax a little.

pretty day.

I had a birthday.

2005-02-01T03:40:00.000-08:00

It went by. Friends, family and husband were very good to me and yet the day was filled with tears, some happy some sad. And my birthday seemed to last a week and a half. As 28 should not. It is 0345 and I need to get up in 2 hrs for work but I'm here typing away after an evening with an old friend. I'm older, should know better, but after more drinks than this girl should have, find myself silently introspectively analyzing where I am at and still wondering where I want to be... as all that I thought I had planned doesn't seem to be going that way or in the time-line that I expected. Still reflecting on nostalgic memories and wondering where I will end up. I have yet to let go of what I thought would be my future, and started living what is now. I know deep yet so less enchanting than it should be. More than 2 drinks makes me less cute, makes me more talky, makes me verbalize crap that is fleeting through my mind. and I need to spill out onto a virtual page, empty myself as I already feel drained. Ok! enough! good night. This next day shall come too soon!

So the day started out great!

2005-01-26T09:44:00.000-08:00

Not really. I stayed up late (eliptical & pilates), then stayed up even longer so that I could call my brother at midnight and sing happy birthday to him. Fell back asleep and 5am came too soon, got out of bed at 530, got ready for work, put on the outfit I had chose out the night before, too tight! next, too tight! next! and so on. I left an hour later than I wanted to, without breakfast and without Dr. Pepper (so sad!). Got stuck in traffic, and was rear-ended (happy birthday to me!@#$%&*@). It wasn't bad, didn't leave any marks or anything but had to get off mcloughlin to some weird side road close to Ross Island bridge to get out, see that there was no damage and have the trashy little teenager tell me that this was the second time she ran into somebody this week. Which made me want to yell at her and lecture her about paying attention rather than tying her shoes while she is driving. but I smiled and said I was already late and just forget about it.

So I was 45 minutes late for work and it is busy here. But my nice huz showed up with tulips, a card, dark chocolates and 3 dr. Peppers. So, that definitely helped. So, hoping the day will just get increasingly better as it goes on. See most of you tonight.

Have a nice one!

Round two.

2005-01-21T09:55:00.000-08:00

I'm staying off the internet while I'm at work as they have started doing random internet audits. So, my posts will have to be intermittent meaning the times when I am at home, which is rare.

The birthday is still on. Wednesday the 26th at the Boiler Room round 9ish.

Hope all are doing well and that you have a wonderful weekend!

creeepy weather!

2005-01-18T10:27:00.000-08:00

As if I had snakes in my hair and three eyes, the weather has gone wonky too! I left for work this morning and it was 62 degrees. This is mid-January and the only times we have 30 degree variations in temperature are before earthquakes and other natural events. So, I'm not so comfortable, sitting in my 4th floor office overlooking the willamette idustrial area (including the storage container for the metro area's natural gas supply). Yes, if I were truly scared I would have not come to work but it is creepy. And with this weird balmy weather the time I took straightening my crazy hair was in vain. One step outside and I have curled up and waved up looking somewhat julia Roberts-ish. It is colder in my office than outside, so my window is open and it is an all around odd day.

Have a weird one!

I will be having a birthday.

2005-01-14T09:36:00.000-08:00

I will be having a birthday on wednesday the 26th and i shall be spending it with friends at the BR (you friends of course;) around 9pm-ish. You are all invited and the theme will be "Taryn has hot friends". So, you must dress as hot(attractively) as you think you can be. I am requesting that no one buy me anything (including drinks!) but that everybody choose a karaoke song to sing for me.

And I mean it! No gifts! NO DRINKS 4 me! We are all strapped little adults who have much better things to spend our earned money on than drinks for a red-head who doesn't need any. So there is my announcement and another one might come next friday.

Have a beautiful freezing weekend.

I'm pretty sure there are cotton balls stuffed behind my eyes.

2005-01-12T09:10:00.000-08:00

Maybe I am a doll. I have this strange feeling like there is gobs of fluff/cotton stuffing/rubber foam in my skull and my face is being pushed out and puffed up. pretty eh?

Oh well, that's me. I'm working on convincing myself that I'm so lucky to have this job. I have been able to afford lots of needs and wants, and take care of some family at the same time. So, my horrible attitude is ridiculous! This is a paycheck, I don't have to have job satisfaction because you know... that isn't my life. I have been able to do many things that I wouldn't have been able to do without this un-fun job. Somebody slap this ingrate!

Although I can still think of many other things I could do with my time (my 3 hours a day spent in traffic/drive time). If I didn't have that, it wouldn't be so unsufferable.

Pretty rain and wind today, making me feel kind of stormy too in a lovely sort of way!
okay nothing interesting to say (obviously), so I will let you alone. Good thoughts for your day.

another work day.

2005-01-11T09:17:00.000-08:00

there shall be no grammar or puncuation today - I declare it

I don't know what I did this weekend- I remember yesterday as I went to Seattle (IKEA, oh boy!) and sunday because we traded in my old broken car on a newer pretty subaru--- but whatever happened to friday and saturday

I am still in the grey about the whole job thing and now with this house and new car payment - I have stuck myself to maintaining my income and therefore chained myself to an unhappy workplace until something better comes up. This freaks me out-- because I am not having fun here at all!

my bleakness has taken over this morning
sorry

I will say no more except to wish all of you a great day

my heart beat thuds against my ribcage.

2005-01-06T09:55:00.000-08:00

a dull deafening thud throughout my whole body is felt/heard. I very much crave something different. An excitement fills me when I think I might just do something out of the ordinary. Can I do this? Should I ask? The indifference to much around me begins to blend in with these bland greyish clouds above me.

But again there is something boiling deep down inside, some wind stirring around me. I think things are going to change whether I'm comfortable with it or not. Pray it changes for the better.

hope your day goes well.

Training the new manager today...

2005-01-05T13:14:00.000-08:00

With a headache. She is quiet and so far has no personality whatsoever. She is unfamiliar with the computer from what I've seen and acts very much like a deer in the headlights. Plus, I've been told that she is going to make all of her staff take personality tests, like Briggs and Meyers or something, to figure out how she should relate to each of us. Lovely! Those of you who know me well know that a personality test on one day, might be very much altered another day. I'm not easily pigeon-holed into 1 category. This should be interesting. And this morning I had to put up a fight for my office space as they wanted to make my room and education resource library and storage for our unit. Umm... I can't work in a messy and cluttered room. That is the first thing I do when encountered with such a dilemma is clean out and organize.

So, that is my day so far. and wonderfully enough, the sun is shining on my back again and I am actually getting much stuff done. Have a beeeeautiful day!

hi, tuesday again.

2005-01-04T09:45:00.000-08:00

back to work (hardly) and still lacking the motivation it will take to take control of my office and duties of the week but I'll try. I had a lovely weekend, T & M came over and joined me for New Years Eve. We played Celebrity Deathmatch and Yahtzee and drank Champagne and ate pizza and lots of other crap. It was nice, and I didn't have to feel like a complete loser, Huz at work and me alone at midnight. They are the big "saviours" of the weekend.

I had a strange "housewife" weekend where I cleaned and cooked and did laundry and took care of the pets and family. It was great and I feel accomplished. I'd like to continue that behaviour this year, so far I'm off to a good start. As reward, the Huz and I drove up the Old highway to Multnomah falls yesterday, it was cold, breezy, clear and beautiful. We stopped at Multnomah to get wonderful fatty mocha breves with whipcream of course. And then seeing that the snow was half way down the cliffs, we drove on to Hood River to see if it was down that low. It wasn't, so we turned around and came home, I made the most wonderful fatty cheese and bacon omelettes and sat for a while; fat and happy in my clean house, next to my great Huz.

And now, I sit in my cluttered office with the sun on my back and the beautiful blue sky calling me to come out and play, but alas! I must stay and plug on through the piles. Have a nice day.

I am insubordinate!

2004-12-30T08:33:00.000-08:00

I wore jeans to work. I'm waiting for someone to send me home, but it won't happen.

And of all wonderful things in the world, the radio was playing great music on my way to work. Nothing makes my day like "The Cure" in the morning. There is some driving/pushing thing in "Fascination street" that makes me all buzzy inside. And then it has been good song after the next and so on. ok, welllllll today is my friday and I'm really already gone mentally so cross your fingers that I get some work done.

Have a beautiful day!

Mood improved!

2004-12-29T08:37:00.000-08:00

Strangely enough and as much as I hate exercising... a half an hour on my eliptical crosstrainer did me good. Part of the mood was created by my apathy and lethargy, so I tried to ignore it. Stepped on, closed my eyes while my body and the machine ran. (I'd like to put some strange analogy in here because this phrase reminds me of so many sci-fi/fantasy stories I've read but I can't find one clear enough in my mind to display the feeling) Unlike the previous night where I sacked out early and watched horribly gruesome plastic surgeries until 2 in the morning.

There is this feeling also, like a little girl crouched in a corner wanting so badly to get up and wander around dark streets, shrouded in fog, and feel mysterious. Look mysterious and lovely... but that image is slightly difficult for me to attain.

And today my sentences are run-on and messy, not very poetic, and kind of raw. I think I might have to see what I can do about this feeling tonight. More of the horrible eliptical and then make myself feel dark and pretty. I used to dress with mood, now I dress to not feel moody or dress as I should for work. Talk about boring! I sleep, go to work, eat chocolate and some other foods sometimes, drive home, see family and go to sleep. There is boring for you! Where is the lovely mystery there?

Christmas weekend.

2004-12-23T14:53:00.000-08:00

I have nice 4 day weekends this week and next. At first I was a little irritated but now I'm quite looking forward to it. I had a nice time out lastnight. Thank you IBRT for the "oldmancandy". Oh how I love them, oh how they make me happy, and oh how they make me talky. Poor Dustin sat next to me and i'm quite sure I rambled on about nothing (as I seem to do). I felt a little needy of attention and knew this and was trying to resign myself to the fact that none would be got but good company made better of me. Thank you friends.

So, I've had some strangeness dealing with my weight gain and yesterday something happened to top it off.

As many of you know, I am a dark chocolate fiend. All of the doctors where I work decided that they would supply me with this loveliness as christmas gifts this year. And I delighted in a few pieces yesterday. Later in the day as I was washing my hands in the restroom (leaning over the sink) something in the reflection caught my eye and as I looked down I found a Rorschach picture nestled in my cleavage. Dark chocolate had caught some gravity and landed in the closest place it could find, where it melted and through my activities in the afternoon been pressed together into a pretty mess. I quickly wiped away my embarassment and was quite thankful that my top had not been low enough for the plain passerby to notice at all. But as the day passed, my embarassment turned to amusement. This marked the first time that something has fallen there and not in my lap.

Have a nice Christmas Weekend. Love and hugs and well-wishes for you all.

It's like this...

2004-12-22T16:07:00.000-08:00

Oh! What?! me? not really together. Spacey and drained but might surely come out tonight. Won't be until late though. Want to go shopping for something cute to make me feel not so drab. I know... you're thinking to yourself "Taryn! how could she be drab?!" but it's true. I have been quite drab the last couple of weeks. So, see ya tonight if I can ditch the glumpy shlump mood.

Thundergyrl out!

Ahh! Christmas week.

2004-12-21T15:23:00.000-08:00

Well, yesterday was a bust. I went to work and after an hour of being there my boss told me to go home because she didn't have anything for me to do. So I went home picked up my husband and went shopping for some dog barriers but did not find any that would work. Ran into some friends, one of which I had not yet met in person and that was fun, glad to finally put a face to a blog-friend. And then braved the mall to get some hair products that I really wanted. Mall was horribly busy and I get pedestrian rage (rude, obnoxious, inconsiderate jr highers and highschoolers make me want to start throwing my elbows into random kidneys) which rapidly turned into such a headache that I was pretty much useless the rest of the day. The Huz was nice and let me try to sleep and when I couldn't, he played massage technician on me, which felt nice but didn't seem to help much with the head pain. I was just a big lump of useless pain on the couch, staring into oblivion for the rest of the evening and it hurt so badly that I couldn't even fall asleep. I finally fell asleep at 130 a.m. and woke at 5a.m. to a different pain. I'm so lucky to feel so good this christmas week.

At least I don't have the flu as so many of my friends do. Have a better day than I.

My list of worst christmas songs ever!

2004-12-17T08:50:00.000-08:00

Can I help it that I love to listen to christmas songs at this time of year and I even WANT to hear the "worst christmas songs ever" at least once. No, I can't help it but after that one time then I get horribly sick of hearing them.
#1- George Michael(Wham): Last Christmas
#2- Mariah Carey: O Holy Night (about the worst version ever!)
#3- Aretha Franklin: O Tannenbaum (which she swithches back and forth between tannenbaum and o christmas tree and in the middle does a little preaching about the true meaning of christmas- the birth of Jesus Christ and then psychotically ends the song with on Dasher and Dancer so on and so forth and evil laughing at the end... who gave her the nog before recording?)
#4- Jewel: Ave Maria
#5- Jewel: Silent Night
#6- Jewel: any christmas song she sings! I'd rather stab myself in the eye with a pencil than listen to her switch back and forth between folk, classical, and pop "voices".
#7- Whitney Houston: Do you hear what I hear?
#8- The Pretenders: Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas
#9- Any body who does: Baby Please Come home (what a dumb song)
#10- (I love her, but...) Cyndi Lauper: Early Christmas Morning

Favorite Christmas songs:
#1- Alison Moyet: The Coventry Carol
#2- David Bowie and Bing Crosby: Little Drummer Boy
#3- ELP: I believe in Father Christmas
#4- Barenaked Ladies & Sarah McLauchlan: God rest ye...
#5- Sting: Gabriel's MEssage
#6- Eurythmics: Winter Wonderland
#7- Sarah McLauchlan & jewel: A Song for a Winter's Night
#8- Loreena McKennit: the whole Christmas album of her's
#9- Bing Crosby: White Christmas
#10- Barenaked Ladies: It's Christmas Time

I'm sure i'm missing a few, but it is fun to hear all of these at this time of year. Especially when I'm cleaning house and baking and the Christmas tree is all lit up and all is peaceful in my home. Everyone have a lovely weekend!

and we wonder why I'm tired...

2004-12-16T09:03:00.000-08:00

I figured it out! I average about 3.5 to 4 hrs of sleep a night. Why? well because I'm not tired at night, I'm tired at 10am and 2-3 pm. But if I took naps at those times I'd pretty much not wake up in a timely manner. I need to move to one of those countries that has siestas. Yes, I'm an adult and yes I need naps, or I need to figure out a way to get myself to go to bed earlier and sleep longer. But working long days and sitting in traffic for about 4 hrs a day would make it so that I would get home and go to bed, get up go to work and not have any playtime at all. What's a girl to do?

Well, in the last few days we have made chocolate chip cookies, gingerbread cookies, pizelles and gingersnaps. I think I'm due to make a couple more pumpkin pies and even try out a new pie crust recipe. Plus, I got this fun bundt cake form that makes a chrysanthemum designed cake. That will be the next cooking adventure and then next week I go to my aunts house and we will be making Sprits cookies, fattigman (pronounced: fotimen) and then to my other aunts house to try my hand at Divinity. And yes, I know this makes me sound like little Suzy-home-maker, but I don't care. Christmas treats are fun to make.

OK, well... that's enough rambling about things you most likely don't care about. So I'll talk to you all later. Happy sunny freezing day!

babies babies everywhere!

2004-12-14T11:21:00.000-08:00

It is a joyful time of year and now I hear the good news for another set of friends. HOORAY and congrats! Which reminded me that I did not post about my loved ones who are expecting. At Thanksgiving, greatgrandma-in-law was going over things to be thankful of: one cousin graduated law school, 2 close cousins-in-law each were expecting and my sister-in-law is expecting also! This was wonderful news as all baby news is! I shall be an aunty thricefold, very fun. Happiness for everyone!

Now hopefully the babybug is in the air...

Have a wonderful week

So, it's friday!

2004-12-10T08:27:00.000-08:00

I was out late lastnight at a christmas party for work. I'm zonked. I've been ridiculously tired all week and I feel like I should get out of the house tonight but simple breathing seems to be wearing me out today. Long Beach Short bus is playing at Dante's and Jimmy Eat World was supposed to be playing at the Crystal Ballroom sometime this week but that might have been Wednesday and I missed it, i wanted to watch Lost.
There are other not so known bands playing in town tonight but I don't think I have it in me to venture out another evening. My friend and i dropped off her husband after the party last night and went around stalking old joints that we used to frequent then decided to have a very late dinner at Montage. Was good! Very intense, interesting conversation and I realized just how stressed I am about my new boss starting. And it's crap! I don't like to even use the word "stress". I can handle lots of things, I put up with a lot of crap, and I feel I roll with the flow and punches. So, why is this little thing making me so tense? and exhausted?

okay, so are we still crossing our fingers about the job apps? wonderful and thank you. Have a nice friday. buhbye la-las!

okay week.

2004-12-07T09:57:00.000-08:00

So far this week from the weekend, I have a new windshield, a new couch, a christmas tree topper, a gold sweater, some new hair clips, and a new hair-cut. I sang my little heart out all weekend at various christmas programs, and I applied for a new job. Sounds pretty accomplished so far, lets hope it continues. I have about a gazillion things on my list of to-do's. So, cross your fingers for me for this new job and cross your fingers for my husband too. He applied for 3 jobs las week and they close on the 10th, so we won't hear anything until after that. Oh boy! Oh boy!

It was bad.

2004-12-03T10:34:00.000-08:00

Bad dark morning. Car died twice. Started back up finally, and got back up to speed as a semi-truck passed me and kicked up a rock the size of a softball,(yes, softball not baseball!)that came crashing through the darkness into my windshield. Thinking that is was coming inside I threw up my arm and blocked my face as the pressure in the car changed when the rock hit... but it did not crash through the glass luckily. It hit and made a beautiful, spirally, beachball size break right in the middle of my windshield and a small hole in the middle. It scared the crap out of me, I couldn't decide if I should cry or turn around and get the information from that truck and then go back home and back to bed and pull the covers up over my head for the rest of the day but kept driving and called the Huz. He met me at work and took my car to the subaru place to get a new windshield. Of course it won't be fixed until after one so I set the man up in an empty office to sleep until he heard from the dealership.

Yes, it was bad but the weekend is here so it can only get better. happy friday to you.

plop!

2004-12-02T09:48:00.000-08:00

there is poetry spinning yarns in my mind, some might to spill into a keyboard and woven into blankets of words be shared in days to come. We'll have to see. Have a nice day.

Ope! and no cookies were made lastnight, instead I met my mom for dinner and bought new shoes, knee-high dark brown boots, black comfortable shoes, christmas present shoes for the mom and one more gift for one un-named. I'm starting to feel old, I longed for comfortable shoes... Aerosoles was having a sale. Isn't that a store for middle-aged women? Oh well, they are cute and comfy. Wisdom as we age, I just might never purchase shoes at payless again!

T`was the first of december...

2004-12-01T08:44:00.000-08:00

and all through the house, 3 hairy creatures stirring and mess of fur round the place. I vacuum daily, and have put a barrier around the christmas tree to diminish the spread of needles and save the rest of my ornaments (as three have been lost to the giant tail). And now the christmas baking has started we've made pumpkin pies, and pecan pies and cookies will be tonight. And this weekend will be the Pizelles and I have to try out the new bundt cake form I got for christmas from the mil. It shaped like a chrysanthemum, beautiful! I think a dark chocolate cake with some pretty sprinkled confections on it, might be nice. Plus, I'm thinking about getting a cookie press, and a whipper. Because fresh whip cream is just so much tastier than cool whip and whippers are just so speedy!

We came into a little play money which allowed us to pay our last credit card off, put some emergency cash into savings, purchase a new couch and new tires for the subaru. We have designated some christmas cash and the Huz has picked out a new Chainsaw which I'm sure I will be enjoying the benefits of this spring. It was kind of perfect timing as we were getting a little nervous about the vacation, and christmas and the huz not having vacation time yet. But as always, things seem to work out. But of course, now it is gone just as fast as it came.

Well, I put the Loreena McKennitt- Winter garden album on and will now plod along on all the busy work sitting here at my desk. Have a beautiful first of december day!

Quivering Electric Heart

It's meeeeeee! I was the turkey all along!

New season, new job.

Driving in the Gloaming

Driving in the Gloaming

Calm

Weirdness in my house...

It's a sad day...

Bar-backing at my fave bar

Lova Brotha Bougan-villia my vine twists around your name

What's this?

grey clouds?

State of emergency...

What is a "meme"?

Will it ever get old?

I'm in IPOD bliss!!!

Woo hoo both boys passed!

Yeah for going out alone (outside my comfort zone)!

Can you believe it?

yeah, I'm nermal.

It's like this...

Hangovers and Oakspark don't mix.

What!?! I can not just have one!

I lerv our kid.

hooray!

No kids yet!

No beads for Taryn!

So, I'm in need of some insight.

Good Saturday Morning...

Hello! Happy 2006!

Happy Thanksgiving!

big rain!

I'm the branch that you break!

hiya!

Surgerized and getting better!

When your relieved that you have a tumor!

hi!

Can you even believe?

Friday

More things to be afraid of...

Thursday afternoon-oon.

I want to write...

1st Dr's appt down!

I don't feel like it!

messy! and anxiety ridden.

weeee... It's Friday

"Tomorrow's coming round a hairpin curve in the road..."

Gosh, i can be so crushy!

*meh*

I survived, but now to survive the family.

*smile* *wink*

Hee hee

New stage in my life.

Last night was stupid.

a tiny bit Irish

fallen off the face of the earth due to sickness.

tee hee

Chocolate Lucky Charms!!!!

kinda wierd... kinda close!

It has begun...

HI

T's party was great!

hee hee hee...

If I were feeling good at all...

Sometimes...

It's funny how it all works out

I'm feeling like a wreck.

I'm a big slacker

Excited but feeling huge!

all I gotta say is...

17 more work days...

Well... one more thing happened.

Happy V.D.

Never let your husband dress you.

nightmares

Not well and a serious case of witchyness!

so we(the BR kids) are all a bunch of sickies.

I had a birthday.

So the day started out great!

Round two.

meh

smile wink

plop!